I don't know if I belong in church yet

but
you don't have to be perfect
to be perfect
no no
you don't have to be perfect
to be worth it
I was only looking to nurture
ever since I heard that
the world won't stop turnin
even if we manage to burn it

so I'll just sit in these suburbs
and try to free myself from this curb cuz
my mind is stuck on that December
a month spent slurrin love for her and
I know I will never earn it
just got to let the world keep turnin
while I sit and ponder this earth and
all the crazy people that are workin for the weekend
and missing the middle, thats five out of seven days you are shirking
just to go out and forget what you learned
from all the hurtin you endured


I can't stop this talking
because I am clasped by your eyes
but my mouth keeps running without my mind
hiding behind this night and all my dreams
while
my fingers push along this inky kite
like a bike in mid flight
just waiting
to land
to see
that the sky isn't everything
until it meets the sea
to tell it
that you don't have to be perfect
to keep searchin for a purpose
you don't have to be perfect
but I'm nervous
that you think I need to be
so I keep reminding myself
that I'm not perfect
and anyone that expects
nothing but perfection from us blemished mirrors
will fall to depression
because without Jesus we wouldn't even know perfect
and we don't have to be perfect
to benefit from his work
we don't have to be perfect
to serve him

puddle knuckle problems

this one time
I said this one thing
about this other time
that I said too much
thoughts
are stuck inside this tunnel I've been building
trying to bridge the two halves of my heart
with yesterdays broken dreams and tomorrow's hopeful scenes
by mixing them together into today's slowest streams of consciousness
creeping along, a tributary for this river
of something I could never hold
merely watch
as it sails away
into the bottom of this page
finding new horizons with every twist and every turn
winding east and west
chasing the sun as it rises and sets
and on the off chance the river and I cross paths, I'm ready to copy and paste the taste of dancing water into this frozen prose that I know won't solve a thing but I still throw my only bone into this notebook trying to make it grow and show you moments that I stole
because
I'm too scared to let the unknown roam without me
I've got to know, I've got to go
so before you tell me to slow
I'll be on the road
kickin rocks at the moon
just trying to leave my own dent

socks with no shoes

please
let me say this
before it says me
I'm traveling through this void
in a constant battle with my words
they are always trying to slip from my mouth
vigilance is not enough so I find these empty corners
and fill them with the puddles of blood
oozing from the tip of this pen I've stuffed with hazy memories
of sunny days and otterpops
of snowy nights and hot chocolate
of leaves below and clouds above
with me in between trying to find the margin
to maybe feel complete
cuz
I'm a boat without a crew
I'm a sky without the blue
I'm a song that's out of tune
I'm a mirror without you
I'm a tool that's never used
I'm the end and I'm confused
because I could have sworn this had just started
but I'm just a kid without a clue

this is where a title should go so I shall write these words in order of appearance

tomorrow
a book on a shelf
but I don't want to open
I don't want to see
I don't want to know if I'll get to sleep
I just need to find a reason to read
I need a step ladder because tomorrow is out of reach
every time I think I'm reading tomorrow it becomes today
and today I feel like writing
so instead of reaching for tomorrow I'll hold on to the tale of today
that I spend every moment editing
as if someone else might feel like reading

I got drunk and was writing with a pencil

Graphite trying its best to stick to this wall and be something
words, big pencil
weird to write
stuck on this utensil
I'm just tracing along a stencil
that my mind cuts out for me
like a parent
keeping the crust for itself
while I frolic through the middle
skipping through my field of inky splotches
within this plane of consciousness

atmostfear

and I'm just adding this because of my irrational fears
like I'm scared to find out who I am
because I might not like me
and I fear the inside of the box
because I'll never know what the outside could be
until I find out that every outside is it's own inside
looking to get out
and I fear the bottom of the bottle
worried that the message might be missing
or that I won't like what's left after the last drops
fall right into my drain, that eats my rainy days
and turns them to parades
that I fear
could never contain me
because I'd only blame me
so I just daydream these nights away

I failed at humans today

though sometimes I make them crack into a thousand pieces and complete our picture
and for whatever reason that I can perceive these moments that are few and far between
make them forget all the other days that my name was tainted by my inability to refrain from
flying a plane over the line I didn't even know was being made
but luckily for me, or divinely from He, I sort of have an ability to squeeze in, despite my best efforts
I've been deemed fit
but I'd rather kick it with the rejects, seems like the only ones that can accept

not frequently enough am I reminded that I think too much
never remember to merely be the me in my mirror
whoever that is
the cold reflection

smells like the sunrise
like the end of darkness
the beginning of bubbly brightness

feels like water boiling
like the end of being stuck on the bottom
the beginning of finding the clouds

tastes like an open door
like the end of this box
and the beginning of another one

sounds like a rainbow
like the end of this rainy day
and the beginning of my proud squishy soaking march to my shower

but damn those clouds are nice
like they know we aren't watching
prancing about to get our attention
or some shit

peat

this morning I forgot to wake up
until supper time reminded me
I never went to sleep
just moments broken by blinks
spiraling down the drain in this sink
I look up from time to time to see
how many hours I've added to my bags
since the last time I took a glance
and chewed it as I danced
around the sink that is backed up
clogged by my actions
so rarely do I have love
always stuck on making fun
instead of letting love make me

what?

As of right now I want to write now
defeat and drag my mind down the page
doin my best to leave no trail
but I'm lost in the middle of an
end
that might bow to a beginning when the lights shout
to make it feel the night getting shined out
sneaking around the sphere like how
I'm pouncing on the empty white
writing just to find ground
somewhere beneath the sky's clouds

until then I'll just bite down
on the moment
try to keep it tightly wound
right around the time I found
inside the sound of my memory
I'll cherish it all
even if no love decides to compound
I'll keep putting a pip in my step
I'll keep shoving a smile into my mouth
I'll keep taping my heart up on my shoulder
it's always trying to escape when I confine it to its house inside my chest
like somehow this time it won't fall by itself
I keep it on a leash at my side
so that when you meet it you will see it
beating like raindrops in a hurricane
while I'm standing in your eye unaware of the storm you brought
surrounding my every thought
drowning my words with your windy stare

and sometimes why

tonight the stars are mine
nobody gave them to me
and anybody could take them

but for tonight
those gigantic tiny balls of light
are mine

I don't have much use for them
just something to fill the space
til time brings back our brightest flame

when today will be mine
God gave it to me
and only he could take it

so for today
I will live for Him
as he has died for me

I don't have much use of this flesh
just searching for something to fill the space
with the time allotted

so I try to bear this tree without secret
just trying to love like He did
so that my joy may be completed

dilapidation

I fill myself with poison
to try and forget that I'm imprisoned
by the voices and my choices
I fill myself with ink
so I can remember
that nothing stays clean
there is always something
that comes between me
and the pristine
and it's me
dancing in this flow of prose
I am a river, made up of whiskey, ink and conflict
slowly eroding my path through this harsh land
quickly building the barrier
with these drinks I use to bury her

beauty is what we make it

the clouds are screaming at us
"please just take a second and gaze up
we want to live longer than the moment
and the only place to go is your memory"

loohcs ta yadoT

Today at school I saw a man fold into a chair
right before my lies fibbed about the weather
it was like he never read the instruction manual
it was like he thought clouds always meant rain
but sometimes they're here just to give some shade
and sometimes it is better to endure the pain
cuz even when the days fade away
your life still manages to stay awake
and even when blue skies fade to grey
light still manages to find its way into our brain

today at school I saw a boy fold into the puddle I was staring into
trying to avoid any spare eye contact left in the lost and found
cuz I've found that losing doesn't always mean loss
it is interesting the things you can find
when we carry on without the things we think we need

but I'm too scared to look
I don't know what I need, because I don't know what I need
and I don't remember what I want
because
I'm too worried about what I lost
too worried about what I could lose if I chose to pursue
rather I just sit and stare at small pools reflecting lives that forget to reflect back

today at school I saw myself ripple into the last drops of rain the sky could sqeeze
right before my eyes became the puddle's best attempt at identity
like it never learned how to look at itself
like it never thought the clouds would run out

open

Watch
      as the sun tucks away the stars
      as the blue skies push through the fog
      as the mist we breathe abandons ship

Listen
      as the roosters remind the church bells to ring
      as the nighttime fun fades to daytime troubles
      as the dreamers break the tension between

Whisper
      to the dew as it hugs tight to the lawn
      to the light when it finds its dawn
      to your mirror before you yawn

Catch
    the stale air your lungs throw out
    the fallen stars that your sky shot down
    the lies at the end of your corridor

Embrace
      the thoughts you leave in the back of your mind
      the moon after it takes the tide
      the day before it fades and dies

I was

Sittin’ in this walk way
trying to decide
what I can say to you
that might make it through
the line in the sand we drew
so I sat back started tossin’ pebbles at the doorway
I guess it’s just a wall to you
I don’t think you have all the truth
but you actin like I got caught in a noose
invisible or 6 feet under, makes no difference to you
I’ll just pass the time counting seconds by the minutes
holdin’ on to this storm you left in my bones
I thought I was it all to you
perhaps I'm just a ball to you
a playtoy
a dance
a great time
no matter how you take it
I know you won't give it back
so just take it and leave me at this beach 
counting on the waves to bring back
the response to my message in a bottle

three who won

four four two
ten ten
twenty twenty
forty thirty
seventy fifty
one hundred twenty
times three is the only number you'll see
full circle infinitely
every ending followed by a beginning
it's so complete
I am compelled to sing
about this cycle in this sea
of emptiness filled with some heat
emanating from the far reaches
distances I barely perceive
this blanket of blue quietly covering
the cold dark expanse in which we're trespassing
slowly floating along cuz we're enchanted
with the shiny lights comin from the black expanses
traipsin through
radiating hues
of the essence you
spend all your blessins too
treasure and collect
instead of remembering the one who
blessed like three

I'm gonna find myself a field full of puddles

Sometimes it's more comfy on the ground
gravity can win this round
I'm gonna stay down and listen
for the pound of the Earth's heartbeat advance and retreat
while the sound of silence secretly secretes signals of
salutations and slow suicide
swimming through the shallow end
solving sadness with separation and sugar pills
swallow, just swallow this spoonful before the sunset
shows the stars
staring statically
soaring savagely through the spaces that are
stuck existing sitting on a sticky bench
sniffing at the light's stench passing by in waves
roaming towards our windy beach
to crash upon our sky's shores
seeping down to slip passed my peepers
to steal my mind
make it feel the night
and appreciate this meal for my sight
but I'm dealin just fine
with the sun and it's shine
I'd rather return to the real light
but I'm locked up inside a cheap life
that seems so great for only a brief time
til the clouds bring my attention back to these lines
so please pay my ransom with a sunrise
I'm frightened that my mind might freeze in the cold light
I wished upon a twinklin star but that little ball has fallen
to remind me that dreams are for sleeping
   and to get back to the real thing
   just sit down and let the dealer deal kid
   play your hand but don't gamble your meals kid
   slow your role and stay where you belong kid..
though I long to believe in
a what if, when I know where I'm going, I'll know why I am who I was
because I didn't know who I was, when I was who I am
I guess I am Sam but all I really know is that

falling stars were just shootin for the moon
and
sometimes I ask myself
if the reward is worthless without the risk
should I just start workin and miss the show
exit stage left
leave the thinking to the rest
of the artists trying to get
your attention
quietly rioting from the sidelines

or should I put work in
to try and keep the curtains from closin
with my prose, folded into rolled up newspaper clippings
the shredded guts of an old gold, that's new use is to catch birdcage drippings
worth is worse than the wind
switching direction like a first grader skipping through a field full of puddles
I'm gonna go find myself a field full of puddles

fruugendeepewter pewpew

it seems a little sad but
I am a little glad that
the pain went and happened
my heart may be in fractions
but now that it has shattered
I know that it's not plastic
and now I am passed it
I found the broken scraps and
put them back with some bubble gum and grass stained band aids

anything that didn't fit I packed and burnt to ashes
turned my dreams into action
got a pen and grabbed some
sheets of tree to practice
capturing the force of a disaster
to try and
Bend it to a masterpiece
weaving down the page
a raging avalanche
destroying all that is in its path
leaving no tree behind untouched
my
inky fingers rifling through
searching for the last patch of white
to smother with these lines I write
keeping me up all night, I might just like to bribe my mind to stop fighting the light and maybe try to find some peace in between some sheets that don't need my ink, just me, sleeping with the ceiling fan keeping watch til the sun brings back the heat to teach me how to reach an end for this thing

times

I say I am christian
but
I really just wish I was christian
to be christian is to be christ-like
and I'm as close to Christ as a boulder is close
to a cloud floating in the sky deciding
to cry for me and my hard-headed attempt
to stay on the ground
I am just an asshole trying to sit here
and stack some flat-lining words
dying to fall through to the next line
while I'm passin on any chances that come my way
I won't be an asset, I'm at least an ametuer crafter
draftin my trash, turn it into the average
bat shit crazed ballad
words dancing across the back of your beat
relax and take a seat
while I invade your brain and give you a treat
no trick, just peace
and I hope I can leave a bit of love in between
each tick of your pulse pushing life into the next
tock of the clock that stopped so long ago
we forgot we were lost

today

trying to cleanse this mess from my mind
by condensing it into this pen’s lifeblood
and wiping away it’s tears along the lines
caressing the clean clear sheet
leaving my stain to drip down
makin this mess worse
no lesson learned
just stress burnin
a dress turnin in a circle
rising up
til it’s chirpin with the birds above the churches
but it will never get the best of me
I’ll be blessin thee
constantly taking a rest to see
that this test is cheap
so I’ll keep passin
like it’s it my quest to keep
sober, makin certain my pests are weak
need to be sure of what I’m treasuring
never lettin the world express myself for me
I’ll be investing ink into pages that I read
when I’m pressin keys
throwin my message in a bottle at the sea
to see the world I’ll never be
comfortable with,
the tension starts in my shoulders
ends at the dots in your eyes
I nervously attempt to connect before the bomb goes on and on and on

I

thought I knew who I was
I don't even know who I am
I mean, I know my name is Sam
but I don't have a plan to handle that which is advancing
the future is a cancer calling quietly but I don't answer
I didn't even know that I was trapped
until I realized that I am drowning in the past
clowning through the fast lane
trying to find a laugh to stain your face with
or send a gasp of happiness to gain its way into your brain
I never know what I'm saying until its happening
the present attacking to keep me from capturing the action
trying to attach it and loop it on this track that I fractured
and put near the back of my attic
so I can escape and listen to the unmanufactured silence
battered and bruised, black and blue
in fact its true my lack of new imagined hues is sad
but few of my tragic views are magic
you have to use your own damn ingenuity
to grasp what I've chewed and cast
into this cracking rune, skipping to my blasted erratic tune
entranced by the beat of my plastic spoons
click clacking at the moon
from within this tube I use to smear
my ink across the cracks in the room
doing my best to cover up the holes that got left behind
when we ran away into the sunset
but now the sun has set
and my eyes aren't wet
cuz I let these lines cry for me
while I get my mind fried by these forties
trying to forget all the fine times
oh poor me
I don't need a support team
just a pen and a score sheet
so I can keep my words moving forward away from defeat
I don't need an award just an empty page to keep from being clean

inky fingers

I got these butterflies cuz I care too much
I got this butter knife tryin to spread some love
some people are normal
some people are fakin it
it's usually  the ones that that stay themselves
that can make a change to save the world
you can just call me a phony
because I don't even think I know me
I throw out front after front
to keep from being lonely
whenever I am myself the room gets toasty not so slowly
its far from cozy
all I can hear are my thoughts
my ears are blocked
"I wonder if they are wondering if I am wondering"
"I'm wandering in this wonderful wondering, are they still talking?"
it gets so loud
a cloud shrouding your voices sunshine
and yes, I'm fine
this blank expression is due to being trapped inside my  mind
lost in the woods
trying to find my bread crumbs
but the crows have been following
keepin me from ever becoming
homeward bound
what an incredible journey
this will sound like if I ever get around
to reaching my destination but
all you will expect is to hear me repeat your perspective
but first put it through  my little window so it feels like
I agree with you
but I'm just trying to see the last of you
I do it with a smile to reduce the friction
and I'll even try to make you laugh
if you promise to not expect me to prolong this fiction
I'm everyone's best friend
but mostly because none of them are listening
to my eyes that silently cry yet stay dry
no more tears to fill up these bags under my eyes
so I pack them with this present and offer greens to the closest
they can take it or they can leave
either way I hope they receive the love that's underneath
hidden within my dull speech

optional

If you work for money
you work for nothing
if I take a dollar bill
and cut it up into a million pieces
I’d have the same material in my palm
but to y’all it’s no longer worth a dollar meal
and everytime I buy some weed, I laugh
it’s green for green
but I’m not fooled into thinking that my green will last
money only has the power that we give it
so I smoke my money and add to the clouds
cuz it takes faith to keep us from going bankrupt
and I only put my faith into my savior
only Jesus Christ is who I’m praisin
now before you leave, thinking:

“Here’s another christian that will hate me for my choices”

nobody is perfect, I won't judge because I’d rather we be buds
I’m not here to talk about you, but while I am
no matter what you do, be a star shining in your nighttime
cuz you were made to be the one thing that we need
whoever you are, just be who you are supposed to be
do it for the love
spittin light
your heat reaching out for some life
a hand to hold
an eye to please
a heart to warm
and these words
stuck in between all three
speaking for the bond
molecules building into this pond
reflecting the dawn
sun risin, startin your song
blessin you with waves of
hello for now but I can’t stop, there is always someone waitin for a sunrise

thistle licker

Jester, bard, minstrel
sonneteer, rhapsode
versifier, word-dumper
letter writer, nubby typer
sun-draped soliloquist
mad hatchet penman
hacking away at this pages purity
serious scribbler doin my best to color within the lines

I might be one of those
but I am definitely not a poet
I am just a kid tryin to look stoic
in this photo you took from me
now this moment is stolen
and I'm nervous
cuz I'm certain they will call me back for further questioning
but I didn't flash freeze our faces
branding the image into memory
some things are better free than in your net
let the butterfly drift
capturing this moment for yourself
keeping the beauty in your jars
preventing it from being art
I won't have a part in this
breaking off parts of the present
containing the past into fractions
I'd rather be off living in this whole now
fully appreciating every little tap of my fingers across this fence

quiet riot within my writing

there's a silence you can hear
there's a silence you can feel
there's a silence you can see
there isn't a silence you can taste
but there is a silence you can be
shining bright quite silently like the moon
falling stars know that
there is a silence you can shoot
but it isn't too silent to the people in the room
and there is a silence that stays secret
in between where our eyes plant a garden
pruning the moments with our smiles
keeping the silence like a cast
cut in half, broken by the laughter

Sand in my shoes

cloud over my sun bathing me with this
shadow puppet
turning to new shapes as the seconds turn to minutes
just goin with the wind
never can we know the clouds
never will we hold the clouds
for more than a breath

Always
or forever
in the middle of my thought
at the end of my rainbow riding this sentence to the brink
of your attention span

your clothes are brighter than you
and you walk in like you are the coolest
can't even hold a conversation unless it's about you
won't even listen unless they talkin about you
but I know I'm no better
maybe I'm tryin to change me by hatin on who?
everyone, anyone
we could all benefit from taking a moment to look around
and observe more than what is in your news feed
stickin stuck to that screen
thinking all these people like me
but they just stuck in their own dream
I wish I could be free of this scheme
a las
I am a slave
just another cog in the machine

I am a weird kid just tryin to be normal
in this new world I am explorin
though I've been lost since I was watchin Dora in Oregon
when my biggest problem was figurin how to shirk the next chore
and
while stumbling through these dark corridors
I tripped on this torch
it was already lit
I'm just here to lift it high again
tryin to spread a little bit of light
love laugh and forget about the past
if it isn't in the present, then it wasn't meant to last
and the future is full of second chances

eyes fighting to find each other

words failing
mind stalling
stuck falling
in between
when silence leaves
and your left questioning
at least in my mind I'm
so certain that I'm not on your mind
just a blimp
a figment of a moment
nothin to hold on to
another dusty jacket
you put up in the attic
which you only visit after something tragic
bubble wrap cuz you're so fragile
need the past to keep you intact
perhaps no more actions could fix this
only time will be the factor
writing chapter after chapter
trying to read the answer
searching through the weaves of what I was when this started

it made sense to me

what is what isn't when it wasn't where anything is?

travel

Never satisfied by this scratching
the page pleads with me
just one more sentence
just two more seconds

Like a deep breath
these groups of words leave me refreshed
though, sometimes it doesn't catch
while I just struggle at the bottom of this inkwell
scouring the ground for
some spare sounds I can fit into some nouns and some verbs
drowning the subject with all this predicate
wrecking any second chance for these words to find a spouse
supporting all that surround them
giving and taking the meaning behind each small mound of letters
til I find the base of this mountain
when you stop tracing along these loops and swirls

building this up as I continue down this trail
a wisp of ink, curling into this smoke
gettin soaked up by your eyes
til I'm choking your mind
stoking the flames within my pen
pushing and prodding these pockets of rocket fuel
til blast off leaves my dust in the wind
blowing through this mountain searching for an out

keep it reeling

don't let the smooth waters trick ya
there is a storm brewin
under this surface you've been starin at
in this pond on the wall
you can throw your pebbles
but the ripples won't cover it up
just shatter and crack the glass
that captured your actions and fractured your words
now its all a blur in the broken mirror within your eyes
you try to hide but low tide will reveal your sandy beach
trying to reach up for the sun

too far for the moment
just gonna spend this second tryin to connect
these dots in the room
while they keep crossin each other out
in this unending quest to be complete

pouring

Rain dripping against this shelter
these lines protect the space below
from this ink raining down from my pen
though
everything has its limit
slowly filling to capacity, these words
keep slipping down
moving along finding the holes
rushing crashing through
til this whole page is infested
won't stop injecting my reflection
into this pool of raindrops dancing
for me, trying to be
one
too many times do we rush through
trying to find the whole
missing some of the holes
then starts the game of rejection
trying to quietly fight this infection
filling me up quite quickly
with this inkling
that this rain will fall through
and save me from finding the brim

what is this

who wants me
who needs me
who sees me
'neath
this wallflower
floating down
joining the clutter
lining this hallway

stepping through
trying to find my room
trying to find home base
my bed safe
drowning between these sheets
kicking and screaming atop
this ocean of ink
my fingertips pushing and pulling
these waves along this line
word after word
reeling in the meaning
with the crest of this pen
hooking these letters together forever

abolishing these thoughts stuck in my veins
clogging the
beat
beat
beat of my blood
filling into these words
slipping through this white
winding through this ink
                                                                                                                         
I get by
crossin this traffic like an addict
just tryin to get a hit before I split
and leave you in the pit that swallowed a kid
and spit back this figment of a man
me, barely breathin
please
I need to see this creed grow
from seed to tree, resting on this cliff
overlooking the sea
pleading with the sky
"just love me"
just come down and be
a part of a complete
mess, that we can clean
and live like this was a dream
life is just a key chain of scenes
door after door trapped
opened by this closed ring

all you've ever known is all that you own
everything else is goin with the wind
leaving you in all that you own
still trying to change all that you were shown

week 3 who?

unfortunate when my frustration gets the best of me
and my patience takes a rest to see
the fool on my shoulder pipe up and speak

usually I keep him quite quiet
but when I slip he is quick to his feet
then unleashes his tongue to wreak havoc on anyone in reach
but I should stop saying it is he
when it is me, just trying to feel better about myself
by shoving the weakness onto a virtual freak
that only comes out when I am weakest
but its me
at my weakest
I just hope it doesn't scare you away
and maybe you will see me on a better day

one of the reasons I believe in second chances
I need them everyday
I only have folly as an ally in this game
that I've never really learned how to play
all I have is an apology
and my name following me,
a shadowy wraith
I'm
just a stranger til you fill your lungs to breath my identification

Sam
now another neighbor, like I passed some inspection
but you can't taste the flavor in the label
I'l lose your good graces the moment I'm able
not on purpose, I'm just prone to silly behavior
so I'l peace out before I break your perception
of whoever Sam is

I are

Collecting memories like it was my hobby
All these good times make me so happy
Though I usually get a little too sloppy
Nothing but my mistakes has ever taught me
I've made so many it's a wonder I don't have a degree
I guess I spend too much time tryin to find a girl to please
But I am no good for them so I will always find myself lonely
For the best perhaps, when by myself it seems I think more clearly
And this self pity only shows itself yearly
When it comes out I can not say "hear ye"
For it just needs to hush up and recede
Back into the hole where I keep all my feeling
Numb and content as I stare up at the ceiling
62 tiles intricately arranged so nice and neatly
If only these people could be so easy
Instead everything is fought with their nails and their teeth
Impossible for them to back down and just accept defeat
To them this is all a game and they won't soon be beat
I'd rather find the one and simply take a seat
Enjoy her face as our love makes me feel complete
Though whole I will never be
She will see my emptiness eventually
And that day will be the day that she flees
So I'll try to prevent that discovery
I don't really like all of the deceit
But her smile and her voice need to never leave
Cuz it seems she has become something I need
I would cut myself but without her I doubt I could bleed
How long can you live if your heart refuses to beat?
Without her only my end would be sweet
Cuz the flowers lose their color, and the birds lose their tweet
Even the sun seems to produce less heat
This I could not have won even if I had tried to cheat
Now under the rug, my sadness I will sweep
I have no chance without a little resiliency
Move on to the next, rinse lather and repeat
Though the amount I can put in will slowly decrease
I throw up wall after wall but they protect nothing
However that nothing is guarding the last shreds of love left in me
Cuz every time I let the love out it gets crushed flat like a saltine
And she leaves my heart feelin like it got trampled by a stampede
So I avoid the pain, see I am actually quite weak
I can't handle the loss of my sense of security
All I want is to be able to sit back comfortably
I just need a girl that will let me relax and become me
All these bad experiences have got me worried
Burned every time that I have set him free
Should I let him out or keep him buried?
How many more times before I become fully empty?
I take this chance because I never had a chance
I knew I needed to talk to her ever since my first glance
But now in front of her I stand
And my silence would have been a better plan
Cuz I know inside her mind she is thinking of a better man
All I am is a boy so why did I try to play my hand?
If only I had folded then by reality I wouldn't be getting slammed
She called my bluff, my confidence was all a scam
Now I'm nervous and it's showing through my sham
I don't know why I must try to come off as someone other than Sam
I guess I don't expect him to be accepted by anyone that gives a damn
I've never had a damn so there is no way I could ever give one
Any time they try to make me care I tend to turn and run
I prefer to avoid my problems, I'd rather focus this life on fun
Call me immature but like I said before I don't really give a fuck
That's probably due to my immaturity, but this life is already scheduled to be done
So I would rather spend this short time carefree and out in the sun
Though I still love my Lord and I daily thank his Son
I could never repay his great deed and for that I am a bum
Compared to his glory I am not even as good as scum
But no matter how many times I fail He will still look at me with love
Of His presence I could never get enough
So please Lord send me an olive branch in the beak of a dove
With the hope for better days I can finally get snug
Most of these Earthling conflicts I dismiss with a shrug
Cuz I know that with the Lord in my life soon I will be sitting above
And none of these materialistic problems seem too tough
Dying on a cross that is true struggle
After all He did for us a little bit of faith doesn't feel like too much trouble
Without Him in my heart this life's difficulty more than doubles
He is my razor and my problems are nothing but stubble
This is all planned out, but I wasn't in on the huddle
My part in this play is about as substantial as a small puddle
But for the best, I'm sure that if I got the ball I would quickly fumble
Or at very least find a way to stumble
Confidence makes me blind then I trip and and take a tumble
You'll find that I am rather clumsy
I really am quite the dunce see
Even when my only life's goal was to sit in the front seat
Now I've grown up and things can't really upset me
I've said before that my feelings are under siege
By this emptiness that builds up each time a girl dumps me
A cute face is all that can evoke any emotion from me
So when she leaves the feelings get buried deeper
Only so far down before they begin to whither
From lack of use, and the space left is down to a sliver
Because my emptiness will only get bigger
No more room for feelings, so cold inside it's a surprise my heart doesn't shiver
But I keep racing for these girls even if I'll never come out the winner
Since her face will be the sun to banish this long winter
Too bad that when she looks for something real I can't deliver
Unfortunately when Cupid got to me he had an empty quiver
Don't let my lameness make you bitter
Cuz a conversation I can create, perhaps over some dinner?
Though, not much more can be built up before the foundation splinters
And a good relationship that really does hinder
I apologize that this whole thing is not a whole lot thinner
This great fire started with barely any tinder
So now I'm letting it burn itself until it gets crisper
If you think this needs to end then just tell me with a whisper
I listen better if you aren't yelling at me making my ear drums blister
I never know how to conclude these bitch's
So I keep writing to scratch these writing itches
I go through withdrawals if my pen isn't stitching
words along this page in a pattern that's glistening
with ink and thoughts blended brutally into my bliss
so sorry if my slippery sweeping strokes leave you prissy

nuirz garfdop quixahtraih

Diz diz woolo woolo hiss
ent har fuu hay noona yiss
trefghah kaerhoo flarnaless

chooktar koigjur
quijyoi hafreen tookka
eauhr tuiimyon hus
heeeghin dejkur
grasneer tromween ziyook

hoops waving from the loops

I don't like to call them bad times
just times that make the good times better
times that finally test ya
wake you up from the easy restin
and make you work through the present
to find another future hiding in the foggy dark
silent as the nighttime at midday
just waiting
waiting for it's turn
quite patiently
it will get here
but you may not make it there
so appreciate where you're at
before you lose your chance
in this game of chances
I feel lucky to be standing
cuz sooner or later math is going to set the record straight
and even the odds out of the bunch

just another random group of atoms
floating along with this planet
but somehow I feel trapped
in this ability to track it
consciousness, it seems like shackles
reminding me of the big fractions
that say I shouldn't be
I am just an accident
I am a walking probability
With a whole bunch of insecurities
before they get passed security
to streak across the page
I'll stop maintaining the stage
and stop writing right here

prosaic

words were sittin
on the tip
of this pit
forming below my lips
but they slipped
to fall back down,
drip dripping along the sides
slowly fillin up this pen I grip
where at least they fit
chip chipping away at this prison
dipping into the freedom of the
next line
fresh line
my best line
is always the hollow one
when all the mess
finally rests
below in emptiness
that is so full of potential
once kinetic I'll surely spoil it
it's what could be said
that is the treasure chest
now
I don't remember when I lost the map,
though, good riddance
for I find the most beauty in the blank silence
waiting in the distant night

don't feed the wildlife

What you hear from me
is most likely nothing more
than the basic instinct to get along
If you are to ever find yourself
you have to lose yourself first
and all these are just the result
of a small idea pestering at the door
to be let out onto this playground
the words are here to play
so please don't disturb them

salutations

Most of what I write
has just been an attempt
to say something clever enough
to make you fall for me
but sooner or later I hope I realize
I'll never find those words
I can't push you off this cliff
you have to fall on your own
and I've been trippin over the edge all along
tryin to catch your feet on my way down
and even when I climb back up
I get lost in you and lose my footing
such a sick circle
like I'm addicted to the lurch in my stomach and the pain
when I know I'm the only one cut open and bleeding
now I don't know what love is,
but I know that your eyes unzip
the jacket round my heart
getting all warm and fuzzy
finally breaking free from the winter
coming in to sit down in this comfy conversation you offer

go

Do you see what I see?
Do you feel what I feel?
Do you hear what I am?
stuck inside these lines
Do you need what I have?
can you be what I need?
Do you want what I've been
sinking through these pages
falling quite quickly through
what I thought was a pit
with no bottom
but we all have a breaking point
a button to push
to release that parachute
to prevent the landing from hurting so much

out loud

I breathe deep
cuz what  I have to say is rather weak
and your focus
it chokes me
I need some relief so
I breathe deep
til my feeble lungs are at capacity
of this life
we make into tragedy
when we could be livin happily
only your attitude can keep that from happening
so kick out that frown that's trappin you

  for those of you that just kicked
and the frown kicked back
    harder
I'm sorry
I was just tryin to light a spark
make my mark upon your heart
and I wanted to tell you
that you aren't the only rusty nail holdin this house up
you aren't the only patch of grass that forgot it was spring
flowers would just make this winter worse
cuz sometimes seeing happy hurts
but sometimes smiling anyways can change it
and usually prescribing smiles is more about the business
than a helping hand
just a fist stuffing numb down
til you're filled to the brim
standin on your tip toes
cuz you can't lift your chin to breathe before
the tide comes
to see you drown
between these days
you perceive as separate

the separation is imagination
for
I am you and you are me
we are each other eternally
stuck in this yin yang
this big bang in this
small world
full of loops and swirls
and waves
these waves
crashing upon drums
your drums

my wearisome lyrics
that come from years of battlin my mirror are carried to
your drums
by
these waves
that take these words from me
battered and bruised alone here I stand
and I stand
to breathe deep
cuz no one else will do it for me

15 minutes later

part of me wishes
I had never worked up the nerve
and told you what you heard on that curb
but the rest of me wishes
I hadn't flattened our chances
of being entranced in this dance
inside the cell of us
prancing
like no one could tell our hearts to stop attaching
now I'm just scratching at this scab that built over
where I stabbed myself when I took the sparkle in your eye
and cracked it, now it's shattered
splattered all across the asphalt
it's my bad though
I get lost inside my head like I'm up in Saturn's rings
it's my pattern, thinking in circles
and I'm flattered
that you liked me, but sorry I don't like me
I put my foot in my mouth so often
everything tastes like socks
I'm so damn obnoxious
my voice is toxic
my words make me nauseous
it never stops, just a leaky faucet
I drown in these thoughts that I'm awesome
but luckily reality always comes knockin
and I'll never get over you
but I understand you have to keep me in your past
I'm an ass, I am trash
I'm abashed, I am sorry we didn't last
so much more than just that first day was magic
I guess I got caught up in our separate plans

watchyo neck

everyone has a then
and it left some sand in their shoes
it is a then though, they may carry it everywhere they go
but every moment is a new chance to empty your soles
to walk free
and treating someone as if they are still back in that battle
won't ever help them get clear of the fire

alphabets and starry nights

Hey

come over here
you're cuter when you're next to me

They tellin me about stages and bases
but all I want is to look into your face
as you tell me all about your day
I'm so tired of these games
I don't see why it must be a race
when it should be like a vacation
wastin time takin it slow, I don't just want to taste it
I want you as my home, a girl I can call my own
not a lease or a loan
not just a simple night to make you moan
rather every night spent growin
in you in me in us

inside

oh why why why
must I be
this high and dry
you left me to find
       my own right
but I'm too shy
and my heart forgot
          how to cry
since it swallowed all my lies
inside all that I write

war

it could have been a 7
could have been a 6
could have been a 3
could have been a king
it could have been a jack
it could have been anything
so just continue being you
so that I can be me
just another puzzle piece lookin for his queen
floating on this coffee table
slowly getting made
into this fabled perfection
but we lost the box
just gonna make our own reflection
droppin pebbles to break the tension
rippling my image to hide my dread

yetam ray

I am somewhere
peering over the hedge of this moment
looking for the next now I was told about
I've never seen it, I'm always busy looking
spending the present just trying to feel a future coming

narwhal

floating thinking being something

taking meaning and giving you the rest

of this sentence I left out in the rain to write til I'm right as precipitation 

falling down into this uphill battle we've been waging since your memories were less hazy

but they just forgot the directions is all, give em a call and I'm sure they are on their way

left right left right left, marchin to a beat, winding through the streets as if today were still around

though its astray because you never let it go, got to have your edges straight and your insides shut away

cuz the bait, its on the end of my hook, not at the end of this book you've been judgin from cover to cover 

like one day you might see the lines for what they have been trying to be

but you won't open your mind to perceive
so the lines will never bleed for you

keep your eyes where you've seen, there is no after, just this before that

get back
to your dreams, cuz the scenes will only meld if they are complete

like rainbows and waterfalls, we will never find the end

just let it start before the circle finds its seat 

spittin wads of chewed up trees

to remind you that this

is me

and you

have to wake up

or else your dreams won't ever be dreams 

unprepared are I

I'm always in battle
between wanting to talk to you
and not wanting to ruin it
cuz when I speak to you
I lose all of my I.Q.
looking into your eyes erases any of the shrewdness I have accrued throughout my youth
but
I don't want to be witty
if it means avoiding your sticky gaze
rather be a dunce, rather be dim
sittin before you drool forming at my lips
dripping down through this conversation
leaving before I make a fool of myself
but I am a fool, so it's better you found out now
folly is all I know
it is awful, but I will be jolly until my downfall
as long as your eyes don't run away
though even then I wouldn't blame them
I am pretty sure I am crazy
I know this cuz I don't feel like changing
I'll be off my rocker til I'm pushin up daisies

yar matey

Underneath this thick skin is just a little kid
that I only notice in the puddles along the street
punching light back into the sky
back into my eyes
and all I do is run
problems, people, future
all I do is hide
from the solutions
from their eyes
and from tomorrow
All I want is Christ
but I never show it
in these mini lifetimes spent lost in waves of conversing
All I need is Christ
and I know this
yet I still fall over
All He does is pick me up
even though I am but a boulder in an ocean
just

sinking

looking for some rest at rock
bottom

Libra

I shine, but it doesn't originate from anything I've created 

I am but a window tryin my best to keep all the dust from blocking His shine

that bounces through my slippery syllables

and all I'm lookin for is someone to unlock my latch

to let some fresh breath in 

just a set of scales tryin  to refresh this browser

stuck in front of my face in this never ending session

my eyes, biting these bytes 

storing these realities, losing track of the separation 

between these dreams and when they try to tell me how to feel 

how to be real

something else

There is no ritual
to get His love
all you need is habitual conversation
to perpetuate the relationship
you can read some scripture
or you could find some broken people
and try to help them fix it
or you can just be broken together
for strength against bad weather
it's always good to have a tether
to keep your head down on this ground
I'm usually stuck up in the clouds
but of this I'm not that proud so
I try to keep from being loud
to avoid attracting attention from the crowd
and I appreciate when you bring me back down
it can get quite cold in the sky
and I really don't like their eyes on me
I flee from this spotlight
all night, runnin from this prison
around this neck you will see no chains
I am not their slave
I know how to behave but I will resist until my grave
the only king I praise is Jesus and his great faith
to my Lord I turn my face to feel his presence in the rain

and

every time I make you laugh

you make me think I have a chance

but in this race I'll finish last

cuz I left my confidence in my other pants

and I write these words because they will never make it passed 

my tongue that is always late to class

and prefers to sit in the back

so that you can't see it slackin

you got it so worried

its been days since I've wanted to eat

and this whole time I've wanted to take it slow

but so many things keep my foot down on this pedal

things like getting caught in your eyes, makes me want to stand up and dance

or the fact that I'm scared that I might miss my chance

more than one adventurer is hopin that you are a distressed damsel 

not to mention the sound of your voice, like flowers in the spring prancing with the breeze

it makes me want to take you for ransom

then turn around and pay a handsome fee just to keep you in my arms and my dreams

but now I'm gonna stop talking before I get too creepy

just need to end all this dratted thinking 

I am nothing

I am what I feel inside

I am what you hit me with

I am what you need me to be

I am me

who ever that is

maybe one day I'll find my portrait on the wall

maybe two day I'll start looking

but today has me lost inside these lyrics

rummaging for something to make right now go by

to make today go by

to make this week go by

just wastin time until I die

searching through my overgrown sonnets

trying to find something to fold up and put inside

this maze I've made of my mind 

mistitled

I don't want to forget, I just don't want it to hurt
I'll remember until I'm put back into this Earth>
So don't get offended when I am prone to flirt
Cuz these girls are just an attempt to cover up my bleeding heart with a new shirt
At first it all seems clean, but the pain will shine through and make this all worse
Besides, I'll never take them anywhere, my feelings have become inert
Completely vanished, it's like my emotions were put under a curse
Not that I mind, in fact I wish this had happened at birth
I finally see what my feelings are actually worth
And it is not that much, they should be out on the curb
About as important as that which lays under a red fern
So I wake up these mornings and watch the sun start falling
As mother nature and man-made continue with their brawling
While the clouds hold it all in 'til they can't help from bawling
And we run around tryin to live, but we're only stalling
The inevitable, sooner not later the Earth will start swallowin
us back up, nothing will stop this, so please stop all this wallowin
Everyone is trying to lead but me, I've got a leader that I'm followin
It is He who is I Am and He is all I will always need
Only through Him will I grow and one day succeed 
You see, every great tree had to start as a tiny seed
So here I am, starting out as small as a bracelet bead
With God as my sower I'll grow to be as tall as the oceans are deep
Within my writings, the Lord always does seem to creep
Perhaps you, he is trying to reach
If you let him in your heart, I promise He is no leach
He only wants to build you up, and clean you off like some bleach
Okay that was a stretch, but that is why I don't try to preach
My words find a way to ruin what they were trying to teach
So I am going to end this before it all comes to a screeching halt

bobbin

slowly sinking
through this feeling
that life is reeling
me into this real thing
to catch me in its net
and show me off to all its friends

true

whatever true is
maybe you could tell me over a blunt or two
help me become shrewd
cuz I spend most of my minutes in this feud
between my mind and my mouth
leaving me out of the loop
keeping me away from this truth
they speak of but never discuss
their truth is correct
and they will protect it
with every last breath
of your blood and your sweat
but don't fret
they are here for the better
the lies will be easier to digest
if you just take them with this spoonful of sugar
who cares of truth when life tastes so sweet
just stay distracted by those tweets
but there is no healing
in these screens
used to program our generation

I

Went out for a breath

and never came back

with the wind in my eyes

 and my dreams dripping

from this broken bucket 

I've had strapped to my shoulders 

for as long as I can forget

emit

Sometimes I wish

other times I dream

not enough times I do

and I never am

I'm always was

because

right now was over before you got to it

by the time you reached it

the present drifted past

and you will never see that the future doesn't come back

something something something

under these letters
is a pure empty
but my stain has something to say
so it had to change the pure
to this mess
that is trying to possess your attention
and the tension has it stressed
I must confess, I'm no good at writing
I'm just blessed to be holding this pen
while my Brother, my Father, my Keeper
sends me on this quest to progress through this text
til I reach some sort of end
that blends with the emptiness
you won't notice
until I stop covering it up with
my best attempt at answering these questions
but I can't say I'm too invested in this hunt for a treasure chest
I'm too lost in my many attempts at snatching your attraction
like I'm bat shit crazed on the action of grabbing some traction
and running through the movements of this slew of truth spent
making pews out of park benches
and breaking the fences
that keep church in a room
got to let it spread out pollinate and bloom
rather than bring gloom
to your Sunday morning
I swear
loving Jesus doesn't have to be boring

kniht

I just want a girl that can be herself
so that I can be myself
usually I feel locked inside this cell
in the middle of a zoo
and my sign reads:
This is Sam
He still thinks he is another visitor

WARNING:
Don't give him any pennies, his thoughts won't end at two cents
all he does is dream
but he gets hit with these 5 cent word insults
so he gives away his dreams and is stuck thinking
and he still doesn't know when to go to sleep
and he still doesn't know what to be
and I still don't know how to stop repeating myself
and I still don't know why you expect me to repeat myself
cuz I still can't find the difference
I've already said this shit, I just found a new pattern
I've already been this shit and it is still the same matter
I've already seen this shit, it just found a new arrangement
I've already heard this shit, it just found a new language
and I still don't know how to sleep alone
and I still don't know where the fuck I'm goin'
but at least I know that I don't
and I still can't get you to come back
so I keep throwin my pennies
some may think my thoughts are too loud
but I've grown proud of my words
and I don't know of anyone else I want to see under my shroud
so until you come back around
I'm gonna stick my head underground and think about the clouds

Knotjoe cheese

Mike doesn't listen to music when he plays basketball
the courts supply his beats
the hearty thump of each dribble
the pit pit squittle of the sneakers
   wanting nothing more than to stick to the floor
but the truth is, Mike wanted to eat this week
so those headphones, they got left on the shelf
"just gonna have to listen to myself"
the truth is
Mike only smiles at you when you pass by to reduce the friction
he only laughs at your jokes
so that you won't start questioning him
"why don't you fit in? Didn't you pay attention to your folks?"
see, Mike only knows fiction, this real shit is just another perspective
more misinterpreted directions
Mike is lost, and he knows it
but he never shows it
not even to those that think they are closest
still miles away from seein his walk in freezer where his heart stays frozen
this is not the path Mike had chosen
but all we can do is predict the rain
we can't stop the hurricanes
we can only alleviate the pain
we can't take it away

Mike has stuffed enough numb down his throat
that it stuck
now his tongue is tied to this anchor
that keeps him from finding his sandy shore
a lost buoy drifting through the blues
a lost boy barely lifting up his shoes
he drags his feet, for they are heavy
he barely breaths, but at least its steady
so when you see Mike looking empty
just nod your head and keep walking
cuz none of this will get fixed with your talking

hey

I may not win you over with a single phrase

But I don't want to spend every word trying to find a mate

And most of what I say is rather fake

Somewhere along this train of thought a sentence I create

Eventually a little bit of sense I might make

Then maybe a little bit more serious, you could take me

If that day comes I'll do my best to keep from falling awake

Mostly  for my sanity's sake

Cuz it has been a while since I could sit back and simply contemplate

all of the wonderful things in this world that trip you up on your run to home base

Like sitting in a tree's shade, or a flowery vase, or her beautiful face

Actually, it's this whole damn place

it is really good at distracting you from  this race

even though it's more like a slow-mo run to your Lover's embrace

God is always willing to put more on his plate

Yes this did just turn into a spiritual statement

His unconditionally Holy Love is more than impossible to sate

So after all these words, I would like to know if you would go out on a date

I have been saving up and I have enough confidence to shake

these inhibitions, but I know that it is too late

to the next poor fool you have taken your gaze

and now I'm standing here wondering if it's just fate

I don't know for sure and I'm not one to speculate

Instead I will try to find a way to clean my slate

But I always tend to bite on this world's bait

Unfortunate cuz I don't want to get stuck in this world's reign 

I'd rather chill forever with He who is the only truly ordained

We humans try but it is all in vain

Even at our best we will never be the same

Not to discourage you from doing all you can to attain

that perfection that only He can portray 

Within this fickle human body such greatness can not be contained

All this writing and I still don't know what I am trying to convey

I'm just happy that these April showers are finally bringing the flowers from May

I am sure it's obvious now that I have nothing left to say

Nor do I have anything right to say

So I'll say something wrong again and again

until I finally lay my head down to rest

the only thing guaranteed is a past to forget, 

this moment is only waiting in line to jump out of your mind to find 

a small taste of freedom, there it goes making room for a future 

that has a higher chance of losing itself to this world's entropy than it does finding itself

amid your past awkwardly standing silently shuffling its shoes avoiding

as many eyes as possible, holding on to the last shreds of itself in its jacket pockets

catching live beginnings

If you are reading this
I'm sorry
these words I am bleeding
aren't
they are happy you are seeing this
while my wound goes unhealed
this pool of me receives your attention
lines it up and rails it, like they need you
need you to keep supplying your eyes
so that these words can feel like they are going somewhere
instead of just stuck, floating in this lost sea
stuck with all these other words that are crampin their style
taking their definition and warping it to fit into your mind
as one fluid meaning, within these solid sentences
saying all these words without saying anything at all
I just felt like twisting some diction into an inscription
another cave painting for you to uncover
all you see is read, cuz the only color I have comes from my veins
tick tock my heart beats passed this time of day
giving me the rhythm from inside the prison betwixt my skin
hopping along free to follow my bouncing ball
that is oblong and always falls off this track
so don't mind me, I'll be back here chasing dead ends

empty-space-filler title

the only magic in this world is love

between our eyes, there are no lies

just truth, no crooked tooth

this is the straight and narrow path

of action, and grasping a hand

to help up from the past

I'm gonna finish last

but that's just part of the plan

those medals, I won't be holding them

I'm not meant to stand on that podium

you can keep your trophies

I'll just toy with these memories, frozen

until the light comes back

and the cold runs out cuz the warmth is here to stay

like four evers put together plus love and some lovely weather

inside a rainy desert, just one cloud keepin me from the heat

I follow Him because his shade is so redeeming

like forgiveness for someone that beat you unceasingly

or grace for those who deceive you

be quick to forgive, every breath is cause for celebration 

why spend even one of them aggravated 

another day hatin is another day wasted

there is only one thing your tongue wants to be tastin

and that is love spewed hastily

...

you were wastin away telling tomorrow all about yesterday
while today waits patiently, cuz it has forever
but you
oh you
only have right now
the next moment is not owed to you
so stop treating your planner like it's in stone
every breath is another loan
you can piss and you can moan
the collector will come take back what he owns
no matter how hard you hope
you have to cope with the fact that you are temporary
and be grateful for each attack that you parry
each second that passes through the stormy air
so beware of barely
nothing will seem like its enough
if you let it

there is a waterfall raging
but some of us are stuck starin at these empty cups
instead of fillin ourselves up
with the present falling down
through these sentences
to show your senses
that not everything is a lesson
but everything is a blessin

in disguise or directly from the skies
this is grace
forever in these always-beginning moments

don't judge this by the title

Maybe I've lost it in this maze
and this candle wax map only distracts
never has it led me to the light, but
now I've got a chance to do
anything

so I'll just mosey on through this life
until the answer finds me
stuck in my corner
it seems like love is for suckers
and I'm just another lolipop in your pocket
waiting, itchin to get picked
so you can unwrap this plastic that keeps the fakes out
but just another runner in this marathon
you might not check your pockets for a while

now

You are on your last hope, 

so fill up your cups 

and leave me behind because this journey 

won’t be your first attempt to escape all these complications.

My last hope is to find something that is more than just the basic instinct to continue the species.

And I’ve been chillin with her with only the intention of friendship, her smile is damn near perfection, every time I make her laugh I feel this infection grow, but never will I make the first move, I am not shrewd enough to prevent my losing that game, I’ve never learned the rules and when I talk to her I usually drool, lookin in her eyes leaves me smilin like a fool, with saliva forming a pool under my dunce cap deserving face, I wish I could just sit in my corner on a stool, to prevent her from noticing the amount of cool I will never possess, I don’t even try to impress her, cuz all I would do is scare her away and cause my own depression, so this friendship I cherish because at least I get to be invested in this happiness that’s so refreshing, even if I’ll never get to caress her precious body pressed up against mine I still get to feel this comfort within her presence

foux cuss

as a butterfly flaps its wings through
every little choice that you choose
it changes every little thing you could do
so many variations as each second passes
alternating dimensions each over as it flashes
    Focus
not on this after
rather, this during
and its presentation of this now
that you had envisioned full of tomorrow
but it will always be today
so start payin your bills to attention
before you get evicted as a tenant of this present
it's time to get conviction
maybe do more than start
and finish
something more than just a wish list
get over this need to receive
maybe you will understand the true meaning of christmas
give me your focus for a moment
and I'll try to show you how to hold it
then fold it, put it in my cap and hit the road
until it's broken down under this mole hill
that kept us from consolin
this thunder storm in my chest
has become all that I know
so I'll try to just go
gently with the windy stars
before the sunshine comes back to make this empty world seem whole
stirring up all these colors to be pulled in by your black holes
that only let out your soul
that rushes to fill in the holes, if you let it
just let go of control, not that you had it
take back what the illusion stole, and put this moment back on a pedestal

quick before this pen gets dull, lets try to pay this endless toll
I've got a ticket stub and an inky rinky pencil
waiting
to steal the show
for payment
across this bridge
but to be saved
does not originate from our little stain upon the universe

if we are but a figment of the imagination of some creator,
this does not inflict any infringements upon this moment
right now, is real
at least I think
and I'm thinking
creating this reality out of lightwaves bouncing back and forth
ebb and flow, chaos within this order, disorder until balance
looking for some middle, equilibrium eventually
every second a second chance, another challenge for this matter
to matter to our patterned splatters of atoms that happen to have imaginations
just an image of some unknown love in my mirror, searching for a name
a noise that only some of us hear as the same
though
names can change
can fade
only this feeling
remains
you can marvel at the portrayals
I'm just gonna be praying
to who?
I'm sure you have a better noise than I

enter resting

A clock is unaware of when it is wrong
it just trudges forward along with the time of day
leaving any passer by or innocent eye witness less the wiser
so how can we be so sure that we were wound correctly?
Spreading knowledge like infections that are misdirected
headed for some impending event that will soon take over the present
all wrapped up to give to the past to remind us of the ignorance
or to warn us, you can think outside this box, but you are just locked in your own
clawing at your soul
trying to make it whole
but for too long you have played this role
now it is all that you know
you have to harvest that which you sow
so let go
of what could have been
what matters is what you can show me

and those alternate presents are quite phony
at least to this reality, that we consider lonely
since this is the only dimension to us, must be a
solitary existence for this plane we dwell within
hopefully it doesn't fall to depression
and end this session of presence with an overdosed injection
of the wrong intentions
so we best start giving it some attention
to ease the tension and mend some
instead of buildin fences
let's break down theses expectations
and just love
just love
just love til you got no more blood pumpin oxygen from your lungs
just love like you only have love for breakfast lunch and supper
just love cuz the world is void of the stuff
and you are the only one that might bring us back up
so just love
even when the world shoves you into mud
scraped elbows and ripped jeans can't be enough to keep you
from just loving even the roughest
just love cuz the world is forgetting how
just love until the world is emptied of frowns

just love
even though I write cheap rhymes
just love
so that others may see the light
emanating through the night
from this love that stays quiet
just love
no matter if they're wrong or right
sound or frightening
hideous or sightly
just love
everything within your sight
with all your might hold on to this kite
the lightening storm between our eyes will have it excited
flying high and reckless, so hold tight to that string
and just love everything you get a chance to see
before white knuckles lose the fight
to the windy skies

just love because He did
God I mean, the divine lover of us all
the breather that brought us about

looking behind all of the rules and regulations
and searching for the spirit within the pages
it could be found that love is all He wants from this place

now

I'm not trying to imply that
I am the perfect illustration
I just have an idea
that seems like a straight gift
this wild ocean we call emotions
is best traversed with a row boat
filled with anyone that needs a ride
with or without the tunes

just love regardless of their preset stations
just love the few and the many
the rude and the friendly
uncool and the trendy
let your love flow out and become plenty
just love cuz that is why He sent me
to try and just love and maybe show you how lending love will bring unending gratitude
I'm not the raddest dude
but I got love inside my attitude
and its like I got some magic shoes
keepin a pip in my step even if I get some tragic news
it's sad but true
life without love is like a color at its flattest hue
or a terrible movie you had to sit through
just to have the girl you liked ditch you
so just love all of the stitches and the bruises
all the glitches and improvements
stop worrying about what's missing
and just love

read

Little
fizzled
riddle
fiddled into existence
at midnight
my lips flyin
spittin words
underneath the street lights
so that maybe you could see why
the dark makes the candle brighter

now

don't let this message slip by
without it first passing through your eyes
as I flip my
pen
which feels like crying
so I caress it across this page
to let the tears fall down
to build up this mountain top
that seemed so far away
yet now is just another fading backdrop
in this photo shoot we never scheduled
just another accident mending this present
into a memory that transcends today's
end

always in need of new

I am imprisoned by these words
I am locked behind this language
these bars are my rhythm
tap tap and the itch is back
to switch up and stack
this diction
which has no cap
just wishes to grant
but no one's listenin to that
so my inhibitions I stab
with a pitchfork and a flag
to let the whole world know
I have risen from the trash
I've been lifted into action
now just sit there and grab
all these gifts He has wrapped
for all the stitches and scabs
you had to endure just to have
a simple smile to crack
and now I am back from this rant
if only I could let you feel this instead of trying to change this feeling into a sentence you understand just so that you can read this and try to feel the statement's meaning

Narrative starin blankets

"What was that?"

"I didn't say anything"

"Well what did I hear then?"

"I don't know, maybe you should answer that yourself"

"If I knew the answer, then why would I ask you?"

"Why do you expect me to know how to fix your personal problems?

"Are you telling me that you didn't make that noise?

"I'm telling you to stop asking me all of these batty questions"

"Did you hear it?"

"Hear what?"

"The noise that caused my first statement"

"So the noise that started all of your noises?

"I guess, what was that noise though?"

"Curse that noise for creating this interrogation,"

"So you heard the noise too?"

"I've heard a lot of noises, there was silence and now there is nothing but noise"

"How long has there been noise? I can hardly remember what silence feels like, the first thing I recall is that dreadful noise"

"It's been too long, and do you recall all of these other dreadful noises you have added?

"Hmm, was the noise in my head?"

"Wherever that is, how do you know that I'm not in my head?"

"No, it's my head, not yours, did you make the noise?"

"Maybe we are in someone else's mind and they made the noise"

"No, it's my head!"

"You know that for sure?"

"Yes I am in control of these words I am saying"

"Well how can you know that someone isn't behind the scenes putting these noises in our mouths?"

"I am not scripted, I am my own author!"

"I bet bambi felt the same way"

"I am not a baby deer, first of all, and second I am the one thinking, not you, and not anyone else,"

"Why did you say that?"

"... I was responding to what you said"

"So, you aren't in control of what you say, if I can change what you say, how can you be so sure someone else isn't?"

"Shut up! I can end this!"

"Then do it"

"I will, if you don't shut up"

"Why haven't you ended it yet?"

"I don't feel like it"

"It's okay, one day you will come to terms with it,"

"With what?"

"If you have to ask, I shouldn't discuss it further"

"Tell me!"

"You must find out on your own"

"Okay I'll find out on my own by asking you what it is"

"Your wit won't get you out of this one, goodnight"

"What, but it's afternoon"

"Oh, well, sorry I am not in control of the dude writing this, anywho I'm gonna go now"

"Huh? who is writing this?"  

ember

Real
is it what you feel
or what you feel with
is it the fruit or the peel
is it what you deal with
or the meal
is it on a wheel
turning upside down
is it on the ground or the ceiling
or is it in these words I am wielding
to spar with your thoughts unyielding
is it the shield for my dreams
or a poison that slowly seeps
is it that which can heal me
or just a dagger in my heel
could you confine the truth and seal it
send it in a letter
cuz I want to be better
I want to know you
I need to show you
that there is no you
it's us
and not just us
but all of them too
we are all here together
no matter the weather
so bring along a sweatshirt

it could rain
it could shine
it could be late
but we'll be fine
just try to shake
the dusk from your mind
and never fear
that which you cannot hear
breathing down your back
sending chills up your spine
like a battle cry
exciting the nerves that receive
this need to believe
in a something after we recede
low tide high tide
I'm ridin this rogue wave
all the way to the sunset
and I'm not done yet
unless the rise
is where I'm meant
to meet my demise
this end I don't despise
mostly cuz the end won't stop
for my pissy little sighs
of despair
this isn't fair, it's life
so you can care or you can spite
either way you will have to fight
but this world is prepared
instead you slept in late
so all we can do is try
and I feel it's easier with a smile
anger can bring some unnecessary trials
think about it for a while

this place
is chaos
and we
are catalysts
do you need me to break it down
or can we start to build up
from this rock to the top
and if I flop
at least I shot
at least I fought
at most I sought a way to untangle
these knots my thoughts are caught in
left out to rot
right in this plot
climax and resolution
tried that, but y'all are used to it
so my plan is quite unusual
by land I'm going to
unleash impending doom

so light your candle
and warn them
but keep a handful
of that warmth
to keep a handle
on this storm
it won't be in a familiar form
best hope you're ready for what's in store
I warn ya, I'm far from normal
not since I was born
even before my story started
I was as crazy as a crow
trying to hide on some snow
as weak as a withering coat
as weird as a snail is slow
lame as a boat that doesn't float
as hopeless as a knock-knock joke
as meager as a dead frog's croak
I live like I got a knife on my throat
this reality is only one moment from being over
so I take this world's bullshit, bottle it and throw it in the ocean
let it roam to another coast
I'm not ending this life on an unhappy note
and I won't want to regret the times I should have spoke
from this gamble I don't know if I'll make it home
so I'm going for broke
leaving it all at this table
and if I'm unable to make it
promise me you'll write a fable
of all the times we made this our world
when we used to reach out and take it
those memories they are my favorite
life is short so I'm gonna savor
this little flavor that turns to vapor once its paid for
sometimes I still wish I could have stayed yours
but all I can change is my attitude
I'll take this bad mood
strap up and shoot it
may seem rude but
a lot of things get misconstrued
because people like to talk before they let their thoughts brew
there is one truth but a lot of different views
we may get a little confused cuz
other perspectives seem askew
but 7 billion hues all have their own issue of today's news
and I think it's overdue that somebody found a glue that could take these many hostilities and make them a few