I are

Collecting memories like it was my hobby
All these good times make me so happy
Though I usually get a little too sloppy
Nothing but my mistakes has ever taught me
I've made so many it's a wonder I don't have a degree
I guess I spend too much time tryin to find a girl to please
But I am no good for them so I will always find myself lonely
For the best perhaps, when by myself it seems I think more clearly
And this self pity only shows itself yearly
When it comes out I can not say "hear ye"
For it just needs to hush up and recede
Back into the hole where I keep all my feeling
Numb and content as I stare up at the ceiling
62 tiles intricately arranged so nice and neatly
If only these people could be so easy
Instead everything is fought with their nails and their teeth
Impossible for them to back down and just accept defeat
To them this is all a game and they won't soon be beat
I'd rather find the one and simply take a seat
Enjoy her face as our love makes me feel complete
Though whole I will never be
She will see my emptiness eventually
And that day will be the day that she flees
So I'll try to prevent that discovery
I don't really like all of the deceit
But her smile and her voice need to never leave
Cuz it seems she has become something I need
I would cut myself but without her I doubt I could bleed
How long can you live if your heart refuses to beat?
Without her only my end would be sweet
Cuz the flowers lose their color, and the birds lose their tweet
Even the sun seems to produce less heat
This I could not have won even if I had tried to cheat
Now under the rug, my sadness I will sweep
I have no chance without a little resiliency
Move on to the next, rinse lather and repeat
Though the amount I can put in will slowly decrease
I throw up wall after wall but they protect nothing
However that nothing is guarding the last shreds of love left in me
Cuz every time I let the love out it gets crushed flat like a saltine
And she leaves my heart feelin like it got trampled by a stampede
So I avoid the pain, see I am actually quite weak
I can't handle the loss of my sense of security
All I want is to be able to sit back comfortably
I just need a girl that will let me relax and become me
All these bad experiences have got me worried
Burned every time that I have set him free
Should I let him out or keep him buried?
How many more times before I become fully empty?
I take this chance because I never had a chance
I knew I needed to talk to her ever since my first glance
But now in front of her I stand
And my silence would have been a better plan
Cuz I know inside her mind she is thinking of a better man
All I am is a boy so why did I try to play my hand?
If only I had folded then by reality I wouldn't be getting slammed
She called my bluff, my confidence was all a scam
Now I'm nervous and it's showing through my sham
I don't know why I must try to come off as someone other than Sam
I guess I don't expect him to be accepted by anyone that gives a damn
I've never had a damn so there is no way I could ever give one
Any time they try to make me care I tend to turn and run
I prefer to avoid my problems, I'd rather focus this life on fun
Call me immature but like I said before I don't really give a fuck
That's probably due to my immaturity, but this life is already scheduled to be done
So I would rather spend this short time carefree and out in the sun
Though I still love my Lord and I daily thank his Son
I could never repay his great deed and for that I am a bum
Compared to his glory I am not even as good as scum
But no matter how many times I fail He will still look at me with love
Of His presence I could never get enough
So please Lord send me an olive branch in the beak of a dove
With the hope for better days I can finally get snug
Most of these Earthling conflicts I dismiss with a shrug
Cuz I know that with the Lord in my life soon I will be sitting above
And none of these materialistic problems seem too tough
Dying on a cross that is true struggle
After all He did for us a little bit of faith doesn't feel like too much trouble
Without Him in my heart this life's difficulty more than doubles
He is my razor and my problems are nothing but stubble
This is all planned out, but I wasn't in on the huddle
My part in this play is about as substantial as a small puddle
But for the best, I'm sure that if I got the ball I would quickly fumble
Or at very least find a way to stumble
Confidence makes me blind then I trip and and take a tumble
You'll find that I am rather clumsy
I really am quite the dunce see
Even when my only life's goal was to sit in the front seat
Now I've grown up and things can't really upset me
I've said before that my feelings are under siege
By this emptiness that builds up each time a girl dumps me
A cute face is all that can evoke any emotion from me
So when she leaves the feelings get buried deeper
Only so far down before they begin to whither
From lack of use, and the space left is down to a sliver
Because my emptiness will only get bigger
No more room for feelings, so cold inside it's a surprise my heart doesn't shiver
But I keep racing for these girls even if I'll never come out the winner
Since her face will be the sun to banish this long winter
Too bad that when she looks for something real I can't deliver
Unfortunately when Cupid got to me he had an empty quiver
Don't let my lameness make you bitter
Cuz a conversation I can create, perhaps over some dinner?
Though, not much more can be built up before the foundation splinters
And a good relationship that really does hinder
I apologize that this whole thing is not a whole lot thinner
This great fire started with barely any tinder
So now I'm letting it burn itself until it gets crisper
If you think this needs to end then just tell me with a whisper
I listen better if you aren't yelling at me making my ear drums blister
I never know how to conclude these bitch's
So I keep writing to scratch these writing itches
I go through withdrawals if my pen isn't stitching
words along this page in a pattern that's glistening
with ink and thoughts blended brutally into my bliss
so sorry if my slippery sweeping strokes leave you prissy