I've got blisters on my fingers

I remember what I want
it's December, I forgot

I'm at the end of my thoughts
wading my fingers in the pond
that responds to your love

it's a mirror

you can hear it

in the sincerely insincere farewell

forever yours
if you'll have me

intended more
but I'm lacking

just let me soar
just let me practice

I'll listen for
another chance
to tell you that
I'm not tryin to sell shoes
I'm tryin to comprehend you
I'm trying to apprehend views
of mountain ranges and avenues
and fuse them into this statue

I didn't sculpt it with clay
but these words are here to stay

bloom bloom

I stayed up all night
packin my bags
but right under my eyes
you left before I knew it
like it was the right thing to do at the time
but its already nine in the morning
and I've tried to fight for it

now I'm tired of the night
and all the problems I've ignited

while
finding the light we've recited into cliche
trying to hide like pee stains
stuck lyin bout my weekend
cuz the truth will get me beaten
yea the noose is not the reason I died
it was just the tool in season

ounno

see no evil
hear no evil
I'm still speakin' evil

I wake up some mornings
wondering why I had to sleep
why I have to breathe
where is this
what am I here to see
who am I supposed to be
who are you to me
what am I
it's why I write
but all I find
are broken puzzle pieces
and I lose my mind
between these lines

I'm stuck inside
this black expanse
its not that bad
its not like
any natural disaster had a plan
it just kept happening

let's just say

I'm better with my words
than I am with my actions

currency is a burden

please acknowledge
that the worth in me
is no where near the worth in you
I wish I was perfect too

sometimes I feel like I'm
drowning in a raindrop
while you weather every storm

sometimes I know that
I'm yelling for no reason
while you quietly love me through this rainy season

everyday I think about you
while you are probably
contemplating all the pain
maybe it's training for the day
we finally find the light
and exclaim our love!
for the plight
and for all those that might
need another fight
to align their sights

stones in a row

swing in
breath out
frequence
leap bounce
we wish
we pout
the waves
don't sound
they just play
above our ground
where we lay
and we drown
in the silence
that is so loud
a quiet driving
through our clouds
no rainy day
just puffs of doubt
patching the blue
with empty shouts

the sky is dry
my eyes can't lie
they try and try
but like water in the cycle
the truth will come around
gas or solid
its alternating vibrations

lying is honestly
the most constant thing
its obviously my promises
I can't keep them for longer than the taste
on my tongue
I'm a waste of lungs
filled with my hollow love
as if it could hold space
just cover up the nothing
with a little crazy
diddy I've written
in ribbons
along the city I call my bones
they don't know this
I'm too focused on supernovas
and my next poem
to let go of this coma
I've been writhing in
just lying here
finding my truth

finding my own sequence
in which to put my secrets
riding my own wave through this web of light and darkness
writing my lies upon this parchment
lighting my candle to fight the hardships
lying about anything that might come my way
too nervous of what the truth is
to ever let it out

selective memory

I never meant to let
this moment gather
so much momentum
now my tummy's bubblin'
diet coke and menthos
blastin' off at the mention
of our connection
our minds were made to mesh
you fill up my cup I
drink your suggestion
never question just requestin'
that you make an extension
on the rent for your heart
I might be a little late with my payment

samuel something

I don't know gravity on the ground
as well as a man falling through the sky
I don't know the night as well as a cat on the hunt
we don't know the other perspective
cuz we too busy with our own intentions
blinded by the latest invention
anything to stall the insurrection
we would be great if we could stick to a direction
instead we fester in the messes the Lord blessed us with
sick we heal you
poor we pay you
rich we hate you
ugly we fix you
beautiful we fixate
fuck this I want to be a disgrace
coming in last place in this human race
your starting line keeps cutting me out
'til you finish circling the problems
I'll be skipping the beat
tryin to acapela the hell out of this life
leaving behind all my battle cries
searching for a heaven that's already found me

high Q

leaves Fall with the breeze

Winter leaves as it pleases

but teriyaki  

untitle

I am pretty sure that I am pretty sure
though, if you listen to me once I'll fool you twice
never mess up more than thrice because failure won't suffice
only victory will last so they fabricate the past
make us think we had to act the way that we acted
jackin' all the land that they used to dance on
evil expansion just give me my sandwich
I will eat your pack of lies
please first cut it into fractions

simple

your face
a refreshing drink of water
it gives me hope
it takes my breath
it satisfies

contained in your smile
I can see life
stickin' its tongue out
as if it knows that
my love comes out in eruptions
bubbling up from under nothing
there is no cover for my thunder

my storm is for all to see
it starts in this sea of fantasy
and works its way passed my teeth
into the air my thoughts repeat
instantaneously til your ears perceive
my foolery, my fears and dreams
all out for you

I know it seems I'm broken
but please don't throw me away
I can fix it with the day
you never can tell what the sunrise may change

change is the only constant

up or down
we fall and blame the direction
its all the same once dissected
they stopped the rain so they could measure
all the problems painted by our pleasures
if not through pain then what are you suggesting
we grow from
if no sun shone over my prose my ink'd stay frozen
no matter what light you've chosen
I don't want to be golden
got a shirt with some holes in the shoulders
where I keep the broken pieces of my hope
I hold them not knowing
but knowing that His love is holy
and my heart is holey, He fills me up wholly
it's nothing I could show you
I barely understand myself
I barely understand myself

typey typey

there is white
there is black
then there are humans
prying our way from between
trying to become one or the other
dancing in the grey
light and dark
we are stuck in this duality
searching searching for some unity
hoping the truth might grow out of me
but nothing will come from my stupid needs
I talk raindrops thinking about the sea
I think breeze knowing few can see
I breathe hope holding pounds of grief
I write words leaving out my crudest dreams
ending this is outside my reach

sunshine

light is beauty is truth is light is
beauty is truth is light is beauty is
truth is love is beauty is truth is
love is work is truth is love is
work is sacrifice is love is work is
sacrifice is peace is work is sacrifice is
peace is trust is sacrifice is peace is
trust is knowing is peace is trust is
knowing is why I'm still showing my face
no peace no trust
it's got to come from us
the light is here
its been knocking for years
just wants to see your beauty for the truth it is
seasoned seas know that
love isn't real without some work
and
your sacrifice won't go unnoticed
I don't think anyone was looking
but
we can feel it
in the way you don't trust yourself
as if your peace was out of His reach

I'm not sure if I'm crazy but I really think I am

Swinging through the trees
I'm breathin' in the breeze
no reason to retreat
just seasons to go see
future forward
I am backwards
writing in non-polar circles
never reaching an end
I'm a walking contradiction
every time I talk I'm blocking
my subconscious that has a plan for me
but I'm an awkward planet with no galaxy
orbiting anything attracting me
I feel like I am bad for me
keeping myself from connection

I'm quite eclectic
bouncing back and forth I'm infected
this indecision is inconsistent
takes two minutes to switch to drop out
but two years to tell you just how insane you've made my brain
any time you say my name I scatter into flame
here I am talking like I've attained
any form of this conversation near your face

 I am a baby throwin my blankey to the floor
then cryin til my eyes are sore
self-destructive tendencies since I was born
I don't really cry no more
and I've never really died before
but I don't feel alive indoors
so let me out
let me out

last of summer's breeze

autumn's leaves
follow me
into a hollow sea
of swallowed dreams
where my thoughts think
about mopping up the problems
that keep cropping up
through the cracks in the wall
I stopped building when you walked away
anything to keep from falling again
sometimes I forget that I'm talking
I say a lot more than I want
I brought a lot less than I saw
since I got here

don't go
don't stay
Be

sandpaper

scribble scrape scan
scribble scrape scan
I see so little day, damn
sittin in my corner station
scribbling my worst fears
scraping at my regrets
scanning for the next line
outside, is alien
bout time I change this
no life to put in pages
just empty ink full of my craziness
don't mind me I'm just praying that I get a chance
to say hello
cuz damn, those eyes are beautiful
damn I am not smooth at this

one day
I'll taste the breath you take
for now I'll keep
scribblin this mess
scraping all my secrets
scanning cuz I've lost time

dusk is dawn

The morning air so sweet
from night to day we swing
higher and higher we reach
as we kick our feet
screaming
for another push in the right direction
as if He hasn't been clear enough
this whole game you've been playing
with all this heartbreak you've been saving
piling up your problems in the shade
there isn't anyone to blame
just love yourself and forget to hate

time is an illusion

It is 4:40 in the morning
I should be snoring
rather I am exploring this new world
I created with a flick of my wrist
just a little bit of diction and the page is imprisoned
to by my prism
splitting up the facets of ink
I practice every week
every night I never sleep
I just blink and I blink
til the brink of this bleached tree is reached

I just think and I think
til I know that I'm sinking
in this ocean of emotions
I never learned to control
I watch as I burn all my bridges
no stitches just division

maybe one day we will all sing again

all is He

So fast
so slow
that past
it grows
every moment

peeling this present
one partially digested second at a time

under this Sun
there is nothing new
only people to prove to
that this present isn't useless
we can choose to produce this
before we lose our youth

rather than just lose it
forgetting why we knew shit
forgetting how we used to
cruise to the music
forgetting what my muse is
too filled up with amusements
void of any truth

But lately I've been

laughing at the rest of em
not worried about impressing them
just searching for a better friend
someone I can adventure with
search for a fresher breath
find all of my stenciled deaths
lined out for me to wrestle with
people always pressurin'
reminding me I'm lesser than
all of these lessons
that are like
deserts full of treasure chests

I'm barely scratching at this surface
making myself a festered mess
sniffing at the pleasantness
ignoring my own bloody steps
remembering I am so blessed
God is so magnificent
a supernova raindrop
a sunrise at midnight
a smile on a rooftop
lighting up the brightness
He is all

one day I'll understand

I don't see a future
I see a roof

I am the new kid
and you are the proof
that I don't need approval
I only need your abuse
I eat it
I consume
all your hatred
all your fumes
I eat them up
I follow through

I swallow and chew
all your words and your views
til I spit up my heart
all my thoughts and my spark

my argument

let me start


I usually look both ways before I cross the street
rarely do I like what I find on the other side

I don't know how to walk into a room as myself
mostly because I've never known who that is

I always start my sentences with a word
and it's usually an expletive

my mouth is as dirty as my mind
and my mind got kicked out of the gutter

I never know where the line is
I am blind, I can't find it
I am fine though, as long as I'm quiet
but I can not deny that
my mouth is quite violent

I like it
and I don't
so you can fight it
but I won't
I just ignite it
and watch
as my fuse gets loose and runs into your noose
you keep tying around my screws
that nothing could tighten
been loose for as long as I can forget

nothing is
everything was
the present is all that remains
everything changes
but nothing does

the future has no door handle
just a hole letting only so much light in
pushing and pulling
waves balancing on the tip of my tongue
 finding the farewells in my salutations

under where?

I feel like a pair of pants
I think like a pair of rants
battling one another no fair
no chance for my chair, I stand
in my corner, its all I have
beside my name, which I'm pretty sure is Sam

I'm not really one to plan
though I do enjoy myself a nap
maybe a couple grams
over the weekend finding Saturn
leaving Mars to pace its patterns
making matters matter without gravity
Its all actually
floating falling fracturing
I'm just here passing
don't fail well
though I practice
failing often
rarely softly

my face
has seen some disgrace
in the stars and in the taste
of dirt and shame
the thirst is pain
the worst is gain
my first fake name was Quenton
my second was wasted
on the third

I've never tasted dessert
the moon is always turning
I burden my brain with battles
burning the dust in the attic
searching for love in the static

I'm always certain that
these are lonely words
trying to picture
a fiction in which I'm listening
to any of this

wait what?

I've been drinking all this liquor
only getting sicker
never taking time
just sipping quicker
always giving lines
so fucking simple

I lost the cap
so my hat's off to my liver
for living
through this fifth

I am little
slowly slipping
my mind dripping
off this page
on the reg
I am late
always taking
a moment to wait
and smell the way
your eyes look in shame
as my mouth derails
spitting snails
slimy nails
building my treehouse
up in my cloud
rain loading down
filling sound with
ponds of waves
and
waves of longing
as if this motion might end the groaning
no more quoting just say what you know

I'm tired
and I've seen this episode before

lost and bound

Any time I see the night I lose my mind
I find my light inside the lines that I can't write
inside the crime of my first fight
where riddles go to die
and limericks come alive

I know my time is finite
but
I think my space is sliding
through the limited tries
I got one chance to do this right
but I've never been able to define
right from wrong
you from me
this from that
the only difference between
words and hurricanes
is I never expected my lips to devastate
I was just trying to spit a rhyme
to light the spark hiding in your eyes
to fill the breath you left behind
I caught up but I'll always let you down
a waterfall puking out spectrums of why not me
eating the answers I scraped from the bottom of all my bottles
use them to see spectrums of my complete mess

standing on the horizon is as easy as it seems
we just feel the need to make gales out of breezes
so I've always got my kite and string
in case you blow my way and bring
a gust of everything that we were singing
back when we were singing

thursdays

five mozzarella sticks and some water
my dinner alongside some cherry wanna
see my bowl full of dreams sparking often
looking up at the cosmos
tryin to dodge the prospect of another option to spend this moment on
I could change but instead I just stay on me
always casting blame, before the finger remains on me
so today
I give thanks




one thing from living that I've learned is
never stop giving

forte

there once was a girl I never met

a shoe string warrior on her last thread

never looking for an instead

always ends up entrenched

her battles 

were never hers

fighting to fight

like victory could ever satisfy

like defeat would truly satisfy

she once kept a secret from me
didn't want me to feel the weight
only told me what I needed
"it was heavy enough" she secretly repeated

told me to keep writing to lighten up my mind

before the voices cause my demise
crush them into this inky silence

I don't remember what she called me
I don't think she'll ever call me again
I don't remember what I said
if I even said a thing

The open silence kept my mouth shut
eyes locked in limbo, looking for anything that's not ourselves
a nod knotted my tongue as we parted to talk our separate walks

I don't think we would recognize each other
if our walks talked a second time
so
I'll just keep dropping all of my problems off at this pool
contained within the lines that your eyes swim along
looking for anything that isn't another question
sorry
answers are not my blanket fort