one day I'll understand

I don't see a future
I see a roof

I am the new kid
and you are the proof
that I don't need approval
I only need your abuse
I eat it
I consume
all your hatred
all your fumes
I eat them up
I follow through

I swallow and chew
all your words and your views
til I spit up my heart
all my thoughts and my spark

my argument

let me start


I usually look both ways before I cross the street
rarely do I like what I find on the other side

I don't know how to walk into a room as myself
mostly because I've never known who that is

I always start my sentences with a word
and it's usually an expletive

my mouth is as dirty as my mind
and my mind got kicked out of the gutter

I never know where the line is
I am blind, I can't find it
I am fine though, as long as I'm quiet
but I can not deny that
my mouth is quite violent

I like it
and I don't
so you can fight it
but I won't
I just ignite it
and watch
as my fuse gets loose and runs into your noose
you keep tying around my screws
that nothing could tighten
been loose for as long as I can forget

nothing is
everything was
the present is all that remains
everything changes
but nothing does

the future has no door handle
just a hole letting only so much light in
pushing and pulling
waves balancing on the tip of my tongue
 finding the farewells in my salutations

under where?

I feel like a pair of pants
I think like a pair of rants
battling one another no fair
no chance for my chair, I stand
in my corner, its all I have
beside my name, which I'm pretty sure is Sam

I'm not really one to plan
though I do enjoy myself a nap
maybe a couple grams
over the weekend finding Saturn
leaving Mars to pace its patterns
making matters matter without gravity
Its all actually
floating falling fracturing
I'm just here passing
don't fail well
though I practice
failing often
rarely softly

my face
has seen some disgrace
in the stars and in the taste
of dirt and shame
the thirst is pain
the worst is gain
my first fake name was Quenton
my second was wasted
on the third

I've never tasted dessert
the moon is always turning
I burden my brain with battles
burning the dust in the attic
searching for love in the static

I'm always certain that
these are lonely words
trying to picture
a fiction in which I'm listening
to any of this