week 3 who?

unfortunate when my frustration gets the best of me
and my patience takes a rest to see
the fool on my shoulder pipe up and speak

usually I keep him quite quiet
but when I slip he is quick to his feet
then unleashes his tongue to wreak havoc on anyone in reach
but I should stop saying it is he
when it is me, just trying to feel better about myself
by shoving the weakness onto a virtual freak
that only comes out when I am weakest
but its me
at my weakest
I just hope it doesn't scare you away
and maybe you will see me on a better day

one of the reasons I believe in second chances
I need them everyday
I only have folly as an ally in this game
that I've never really learned how to play
all I have is an apology
and my name following me,
a shadowy wraith
I'm
just a stranger til you fill your lungs to breath my identification

Sam
now another neighbor, like I passed some inspection
but you can't taste the flavor in the label
I'l lose your good graces the moment I'm able
not on purpose, I'm just prone to silly behavior
so I'l peace out before I break your perception
of whoever Sam is

I are

Collecting memories like it was my hobby
All these good times make me so happy
Though I usually get a little too sloppy
Nothing but my mistakes has ever taught me
I've made so many it's a wonder I don't have a degree
I guess I spend too much time tryin to find a girl to please
But I am no good for them so I will always find myself lonely
For the best perhaps, when by myself it seems I think more clearly
And this self pity only shows itself yearly
When it comes out I can not say "hear ye"
For it just needs to hush up and recede
Back into the hole where I keep all my feeling
Numb and content as I stare up at the ceiling
62 tiles intricately arranged so nice and neatly
If only these people could be so easy
Instead everything is fought with their nails and their teeth
Impossible for them to back down and just accept defeat
To them this is all a game and they won't soon be beat
I'd rather find the one and simply take a seat
Enjoy her face as our love makes me feel complete
Though whole I will never be
She will see my emptiness eventually
And that day will be the day that she flees
So I'll try to prevent that discovery
I don't really like all of the deceit
But her smile and her voice need to never leave
Cuz it seems she has become something I need
I would cut myself but without her I doubt I could bleed
How long can you live if your heart refuses to beat?
Without her only my end would be sweet
Cuz the flowers lose their color, and the birds lose their tweet
Even the sun seems to produce less heat
This I could not have won even if I had tried to cheat
Now under the rug, my sadness I will sweep
I have no chance without a little resiliency
Move on to the next, rinse lather and repeat
Though the amount I can put in will slowly decrease
I throw up wall after wall but they protect nothing
However that nothing is guarding the last shreds of love left in me
Cuz every time I let the love out it gets crushed flat like a saltine
And she leaves my heart feelin like it got trampled by a stampede
So I avoid the pain, see I am actually quite weak
I can't handle the loss of my sense of security
All I want is to be able to sit back comfortably
I just need a girl that will let me relax and become me
All these bad experiences have got me worried
Burned every time that I have set him free
Should I let him out or keep him buried?
How many more times before I become fully empty?
I take this chance because I never had a chance
I knew I needed to talk to her ever since my first glance
But now in front of her I stand
And my silence would have been a better plan
Cuz I know inside her mind she is thinking of a better man
All I am is a boy so why did I try to play my hand?
If only I had folded then by reality I wouldn't be getting slammed
She called my bluff, my confidence was all a scam
Now I'm nervous and it's showing through my sham
I don't know why I must try to come off as someone other than Sam
I guess I don't expect him to be accepted by anyone that gives a damn
I've never had a damn so there is no way I could ever give one
Any time they try to make me care I tend to turn and run
I prefer to avoid my problems, I'd rather focus this life on fun
Call me immature but like I said before I don't really give a fuck
That's probably due to my immaturity, but this life is already scheduled to be done
So I would rather spend this short time carefree and out in the sun
Though I still love my Lord and I daily thank his Son
I could never repay his great deed and for that I am a bum
Compared to his glory I am not even as good as scum
But no matter how many times I fail He will still look at me with love
Of His presence I could never get enough
So please Lord send me an olive branch in the beak of a dove
With the hope for better days I can finally get snug
Most of these Earthling conflicts I dismiss with a shrug
Cuz I know that with the Lord in my life soon I will be sitting above
And none of these materialistic problems seem too tough
Dying on a cross that is true struggle
After all He did for us a little bit of faith doesn't feel like too much trouble
Without Him in my heart this life's difficulty more than doubles
He is my razor and my problems are nothing but stubble
This is all planned out, but I wasn't in on the huddle
My part in this play is about as substantial as a small puddle
But for the best, I'm sure that if I got the ball I would quickly fumble
Or at very least find a way to stumble
Confidence makes me blind then I trip and and take a tumble
You'll find that I am rather clumsy
I really am quite the dunce see
Even when my only life's goal was to sit in the front seat
Now I've grown up and things can't really upset me
I've said before that my feelings are under siege
By this emptiness that builds up each time a girl dumps me
A cute face is all that can evoke any emotion from me
So when she leaves the feelings get buried deeper
Only so far down before they begin to whither
From lack of use, and the space left is down to a sliver
Because my emptiness will only get bigger
No more room for feelings, so cold inside it's a surprise my heart doesn't shiver
But I keep racing for these girls even if I'll never come out the winner
Since her face will be the sun to banish this long winter
Too bad that when she looks for something real I can't deliver
Unfortunately when Cupid got to me he had an empty quiver
Don't let my lameness make you bitter
Cuz a conversation I can create, perhaps over some dinner?
Though, not much more can be built up before the foundation splinters
And a good relationship that really does hinder
I apologize that this whole thing is not a whole lot thinner
This great fire started with barely any tinder
So now I'm letting it burn itself until it gets crisper
If you think this needs to end then just tell me with a whisper
I listen better if you aren't yelling at me making my ear drums blister
I never know how to conclude these bitch's
So I keep writing to scratch these writing itches
I go through withdrawals if my pen isn't stitching
words along this page in a pattern that's glistening
with ink and thoughts blended brutally into my bliss
so sorry if my slippery sweeping strokes leave you prissy

nuirz garfdop quixahtraih

Diz diz woolo woolo hiss
ent har fuu hay noona yiss
trefghah kaerhoo flarnaless

chooktar koigjur
quijyoi hafreen tookka
eauhr tuiimyon hus
heeeghin dejkur
grasneer tromween ziyook

hoops waving from the loops

I don't like to call them bad times
just times that make the good times better
times that finally test ya
wake you up from the easy restin
and make you work through the present
to find another future hiding in the foggy dark
silent as the nighttime at midday
just waiting
waiting for it's turn
quite patiently
it will get here
but you may not make it there
so appreciate where you're at
before you lose your chance
in this game of chances
I feel lucky to be standing
cuz sooner or later math is going to set the record straight
and even the odds out of the bunch

just another random group of atoms
floating along with this planet
but somehow I feel trapped
in this ability to track it
consciousness, it seems like shackles
reminding me of the big fractions
that say I shouldn't be
I am just an accident
I am a walking probability
With a whole bunch of insecurities
before they get passed security
to streak across the page
I'll stop maintaining the stage
and stop writing right here

prosaic

words were sittin
on the tip
of this pit
forming below my lips
but they slipped
to fall back down,
drip dripping along the sides
slowly fillin up this pen I grip
where at least they fit
chip chipping away at this prison
dipping into the freedom of the
next line
fresh line
my best line
is always the hollow one
when all the mess
finally rests
below in emptiness
that is so full of potential
once kinetic I'll surely spoil it
it's what could be said
that is the treasure chest
now
I don't remember when I lost the map,
though, good riddance
for I find the most beauty in the blank silence
waiting in the distant night

don't feed the wildlife

What you hear from me
is most likely nothing more
than the basic instinct to get along
If you are to ever find yourself
you have to lose yourself first
and all these are just the result
of a small idea pestering at the door
to be let out onto this playground
the words are here to play
so please don't disturb them

salutations

Most of what I write
has just been an attempt
to say something clever enough
to make you fall for me
but sooner or later I hope I realize
I'll never find those words
I can't push you off this cliff
you have to fall on your own
and I've been trippin over the edge all along
tryin to catch your feet on my way down
and even when I climb back up
I get lost in you and lose my footing
such a sick circle
like I'm addicted to the lurch in my stomach and the pain
when I know I'm the only one cut open and bleeding
now I don't know what love is,
but I know that your eyes unzip
the jacket round my heart
getting all warm and fuzzy
finally breaking free from the winter
coming in to sit down in this comfy conversation you offer

go

Do you see what I see?
Do you feel what I feel?
Do you hear what I am?
stuck inside these lines
Do you need what I have?
can you be what I need?
Do you want what I've been
sinking through these pages
falling quite quickly through
what I thought was a pit
with no bottom
but we all have a breaking point
a button to push
to release that parachute
to prevent the landing from hurting so much

out loud

I breathe deep
cuz what  I have to say is rather weak
and your focus
it chokes me
I need some relief so
I breathe deep
til my feeble lungs are at capacity
of this life
we make into tragedy
when we could be livin happily
only your attitude can keep that from happening
so kick out that frown that's trappin you

  for those of you that just kicked
and the frown kicked back
    harder
I'm sorry
I was just tryin to light a spark
make my mark upon your heart
and I wanted to tell you
that you aren't the only rusty nail holdin this house up
you aren't the only patch of grass that forgot it was spring
flowers would just make this winter worse
cuz sometimes seeing happy hurts
but sometimes smiling anyways can change it
and usually prescribing smiles is more about the business
than a helping hand
just a fist stuffing numb down
til you're filled to the brim
standin on your tip toes
cuz you can't lift your chin to breathe before
the tide comes
to see you drown
between these days
you perceive as separate

the separation is imagination
for
I am you and you are me
we are each other eternally
stuck in this yin yang
this big bang in this
small world
full of loops and swirls
and waves
these waves
crashing upon drums
your drums

my wearisome lyrics
that come from years of battlin my mirror are carried to
your drums
by
these waves
that take these words from me
battered and bruised alone here I stand
and I stand
to breathe deep
cuz no one else will do it for me

15 minutes later

part of me wishes
I had never worked up the nerve
and told you what you heard on that curb
but the rest of me wishes
I hadn't flattened our chances
of being entranced in this dance
inside the cell of us
prancing
like no one could tell our hearts to stop attaching
now I'm just scratching at this scab that built over
where I stabbed myself when I took the sparkle in your eye
and cracked it, now it's shattered
splattered all across the asphalt
it's my bad though
I get lost inside my head like I'm up in Saturn's rings
it's my pattern, thinking in circles
and I'm flattered
that you liked me, but sorry I don't like me
I put my foot in my mouth so often
everything tastes like socks
I'm so damn obnoxious
my voice is toxic
my words make me nauseous
it never stops, just a leaky faucet
I drown in these thoughts that I'm awesome
but luckily reality always comes knockin
and I'll never get over you
but I understand you have to keep me in your past
I'm an ass, I am trash
I'm abashed, I am sorry we didn't last
so much more than just that first day was magic
I guess I got caught up in our separate plans