three who won

four four two
ten ten
twenty twenty
forty thirty
seventy fifty
one hundred twenty
times three is the only number you'll see
full circle infinitely
every ending followed by a beginning
it's so complete
I am compelled to sing
about this cycle in this sea
of emptiness filled with some heat
emanating from the far reaches
distances I barely perceive
this blanket of blue quietly covering
the cold dark expanse in which we're trespassing
slowly floating along cuz we're enchanted
with the shiny lights comin from the black expanses
traipsin through
radiating hues
of the essence you
spend all your blessins too
treasure and collect
instead of remembering the one who
blessed like three

I'm gonna find myself a field full of puddles

Sometimes it's more comfy on the ground
gravity can win this round
I'm gonna stay down and listen
for the pound of the Earth's heartbeat advance and retreat
while the sound of silence secretly secretes signals of
salutations and slow suicide
swimming through the shallow end
solving sadness with separation and sugar pills
swallow, just swallow this spoonful before the sunset
shows the stars
staring statically
soaring savagely through the spaces that are
stuck existing sitting on a sticky bench
sniffing at the light's stench passing by in waves
roaming towards our windy beach
to crash upon our sky's shores
seeping down to slip passed my peepers
to steal my mind
make it feel the night
and appreciate this meal for my sight
but I'm dealin just fine
with the sun and it's shine
I'd rather return to the real light
but I'm locked up inside a cheap life
that seems so great for only a brief time
til the clouds bring my attention back to these lines
so please pay my ransom with a sunrise
I'm frightened that my mind might freeze in the cold light
I wished upon a twinklin star but that little ball has fallen
to remind me that dreams are for sleeping
   and to get back to the real thing
   just sit down and let the dealer deal kid
   play your hand but don't gamble your meals kid
   slow your role and stay where you belong kid..
though I long to believe in
a what if, when I know where I'm going, I'll know why I am who I was
because I didn't know who I was, when I was who I am
I guess I am Sam but all I really know is that

falling stars were just shootin for the moon
and
sometimes I ask myself
if the reward is worthless without the risk
should I just start workin and miss the show
exit stage left
leave the thinking to the rest
of the artists trying to get
your attention
quietly rioting from the sidelines

or should I put work in
to try and keep the curtains from closin
with my prose, folded into rolled up newspaper clippings
the shredded guts of an old gold, that's new use is to catch birdcage drippings
worth is worse than the wind
switching direction like a first grader skipping through a field full of puddles
I'm gonna go find myself a field full of puddles

fruugendeepewter pewpew

it seems a little sad but
I am a little glad that
the pain went and happened
my heart may be in fractions
but now that it has shattered
I know that it's not plastic
and now I am passed it
I found the broken scraps and
put them back with some bubble gum and grass stained band aids

anything that didn't fit I packed and burnt to ashes
turned my dreams into action
got a pen and grabbed some
sheets of tree to practice
capturing the force of a disaster
to try and
Bend it to a masterpiece
weaving down the page
a raging avalanche
destroying all that is in its path
leaving no tree behind untouched
my
inky fingers rifling through
searching for the last patch of white
to smother with these lines I write
keeping me up all night, I might just like to bribe my mind to stop fighting the light and maybe try to find some peace in between some sheets that don't need my ink, just me, sleeping with the ceiling fan keeping watch til the sun brings back the heat to teach me how to reach an end for this thing

times

I say I am christian
but
I really just wish I was christian
to be christian is to be christ-like
and I'm as close to Christ as a boulder is close
to a cloud floating in the sky deciding
to cry for me and my hard-headed attempt
to stay on the ground
I am just an asshole trying to sit here
and stack some flat-lining words
dying to fall through to the next line
while I'm passin on any chances that come my way
I won't be an asset, I'm at least an ametuer crafter
draftin my trash, turn it into the average
bat shit crazed ballad
words dancing across the back of your beat
relax and take a seat
while I invade your brain and give you a treat
no trick, just peace
and I hope I can leave a bit of love in between
each tick of your pulse pushing life into the next
tock of the clock that stopped so long ago
we forgot we were lost

today

trying to cleanse this mess from my mind
by condensing it into this pen’s lifeblood
and wiping away it’s tears along the lines
caressing the clean clear sheet
leaving my stain to drip down
makin this mess worse
no lesson learned
just stress burnin
a dress turnin in a circle
rising up
til it’s chirpin with the birds above the churches
but it will never get the best of me
I’ll be blessin thee
constantly taking a rest to see
that this test is cheap
so I’ll keep passin
like it’s it my quest to keep
sober, makin certain my pests are weak
need to be sure of what I’m treasuring
never lettin the world express myself for me
I’ll be investing ink into pages that I read
when I’m pressin keys
throwin my message in a bottle at the sea
to see the world I’ll never be
comfortable with,
the tension starts in my shoulders
ends at the dots in your eyes
I nervously attempt to connect before the bomb goes on and on and on

I

thought I knew who I was
I don't even know who I am
I mean, I know my name is Sam
but I don't have a plan to handle that which is advancing
the future is a cancer calling quietly but I don't answer
I didn't even know that I was trapped
until I realized that I am drowning in the past
clowning through the fast lane
trying to find a laugh to stain your face with
or send a gasp of happiness to gain its way into your brain
I never know what I'm saying until its happening
the present attacking to keep me from capturing the action
trying to attach it and loop it on this track that I fractured
and put near the back of my attic
so I can escape and listen to the unmanufactured silence
battered and bruised, black and blue
in fact its true my lack of new imagined hues is sad
but few of my tragic views are magic
you have to use your own damn ingenuity
to grasp what I've chewed and cast
into this cracking rune, skipping to my blasted erratic tune
entranced by the beat of my plastic spoons
click clacking at the moon
from within this tube I use to smear
my ink across the cracks in the room
doing my best to cover up the holes that got left behind
when we ran away into the sunset
but now the sun has set
and my eyes aren't wet
cuz I let these lines cry for me
while I get my mind fried by these forties
trying to forget all the fine times
oh poor me
I don't need a support team
just a pen and a score sheet
so I can keep my words moving forward away from defeat
I don't need an award just an empty page to keep from being clean

inky fingers

I got these butterflies cuz I care too much
I got this butter knife tryin to spread some love
some people are normal
some people are fakin it
it's usually  the ones that that stay themselves
that can make a change to save the world
you can just call me a phony
because I don't even think I know me
I throw out front after front
to keep from being lonely
whenever I am myself the room gets toasty not so slowly
its far from cozy
all I can hear are my thoughts
my ears are blocked
"I wonder if they are wondering if I am wondering"
"I'm wandering in this wonderful wondering, are they still talking?"
it gets so loud
a cloud shrouding your voices sunshine
and yes, I'm fine
this blank expression is due to being trapped inside my  mind
lost in the woods
trying to find my bread crumbs
but the crows have been following
keepin me from ever becoming
homeward bound
what an incredible journey
this will sound like if I ever get around
to reaching my destination but
all you will expect is to hear me repeat your perspective
but first put it through  my little window so it feels like
I agree with you
but I'm just trying to see the last of you
I do it with a smile to reduce the friction
and I'll even try to make you laugh
if you promise to not expect me to prolong this fiction
I'm everyone's best friend
but mostly because none of them are listening
to my eyes that silently cry yet stay dry
no more tears to fill up these bags under my eyes
so I pack them with this present and offer greens to the closest
they can take it or they can leave
either way I hope they receive the love that's underneath
hidden within my dull speech