atmostfear

and I'm just adding this because of my irrational fears
like I'm scared to find out who I am
because I might not like me
and I fear the inside of the box
because I'll never know what the outside could be
until I find out that every outside is it's own inside
looking to get out
and I fear the bottom of the bottle
worried that the message might be missing
or that I won't like what's left after the last drops
fall right into my drain, that eats my rainy days
and turns them to parades
that I fear
could never contain me
because I'd only blame me
so I just daydream these nights away

I failed at humans today

though sometimes I make them crack into a thousand pieces and complete our picture
and for whatever reason that I can perceive these moments that are few and far between
make them forget all the other days that my name was tainted by my inability to refrain from
flying a plane over the line I didn't even know was being made
but luckily for me, or divinely from He, I sort of have an ability to squeeze in, despite my best efforts
I've been deemed fit
but I'd rather kick it with the rejects, seems like the only ones that can accept

not frequently enough am I reminded that I think too much
never remember to merely be the me in my mirror
whoever that is
the cold reflection

smells like the sunrise
like the end of darkness
the beginning of bubbly brightness

feels like water boiling
like the end of being stuck on the bottom
the beginning of finding the clouds

tastes like an open door
like the end of this box
and the beginning of another one

sounds like a rainbow
like the end of this rainy day
and the beginning of my proud squishy soaking march to my shower

but damn those clouds are nice
like they know we aren't watching
prancing about to get our attention
or some shit

peat

this morning I forgot to wake up
until supper time reminded me
I never went to sleep
just moments broken by blinks
spiraling down the drain in this sink
I look up from time to time to see
how many hours I've added to my bags
since the last time I took a glance
and chewed it as I danced
around the sink that is backed up
clogged by my actions
so rarely do I have love
always stuck on making fun
instead of letting love make me

what?

As of right now I want to write now
defeat and drag my mind down the page
doin my best to leave no trail
but I'm lost in the middle of an
end
that might bow to a beginning when the lights shout
to make it feel the night getting shined out
sneaking around the sphere like how
I'm pouncing on the empty white
writing just to find ground
somewhere beneath the sky's clouds

until then I'll just bite down
on the moment
try to keep it tightly wound
right around the time I found
inside the sound of my memory
I'll cherish it all
even if no love decides to compound
I'll keep putting a pip in my step
I'll keep shoving a smile into my mouth
I'll keep taping my heart up on my shoulder
it's always trying to escape when I confine it to its house inside my chest
like somehow this time it won't fall by itself
I keep it on a leash at my side
so that when you meet it you will see it
beating like raindrops in a hurricane
while I'm standing in your eye unaware of the storm you brought
surrounding my every thought
drowning my words with your windy stare

and sometimes why

tonight the stars are mine
nobody gave them to me
and anybody could take them

but for tonight
those gigantic tiny balls of light
are mine

I don't have much use for them
just something to fill the space
til time brings back our brightest flame

when today will be mine
God gave it to me
and only he could take it

so for today
I will live for Him
as he has died for me

I don't have much use of this flesh
just searching for something to fill the space
with the time allotted

so I try to bear this tree without secret
just trying to love like He did
so that my joy may be completed

dilapidation

I fill myself with poison
to try and forget that I'm imprisoned
by the voices and my choices
I fill myself with ink
so I can remember
that nothing stays clean
there is always something
that comes between me
and the pristine
and it's me
dancing in this flow of prose
I am a river, made up of whiskey, ink and conflict
slowly eroding my path through this harsh land
quickly building the barrier
with these drinks I use to bury her

beauty is what we make it

the clouds are screaming at us
"please just take a second and gaze up
we want to live longer than the moment
and the only place to go is your memory"